Time just for you – being single is okay!

Bridget Jones's breakup, or a word about pop culture

We all know the stereotype: a jilted girlfriend sitting on the couch, next to her a bag of chips (or maybe ice cream), tissues, and a sappy romantic comedy on the TV screen.

If her story begins this way, we can be sure that during the film she will achieve something, learn something, at some point a wonderful (and of course handsome) boy will appear in her life. At the end, there will be the long-awaited kiss scene and we will know that everything in her life will work out – after all, she has finally found love.

Of course, we know that real life is not a movie.

On the other hand, we transfer patterns and behaviors observed in films or series to our realities more often than we think – especially since we have seen similar scenes literally everywhere: starting in films and ending in magazines for teenagers, articles about celebrities or novels. It is worth mentioning that at the same time we hear surprisingly little about people who have never been in a relationship and/or are single by choice.

Relationship Breakup – End of the World?

First of all, breakups can be difficult and it's good to come to terms with it - give yourself time to feel emotions , don't expect yourself to be completely free a week after the breakup, to stop thinking about it and leave the past behind.

You have the right to deal with this situation any way you want.

You may not want to see anyone for a while.

If you feel like you're ready to start dating again, do it, whether it's been a few days or a few years since the breakup. You can start Tinder and meet random people for sex (just remember to besafe and use a condom ) or decide that you want to be alone for now.

Any of these behaviors are okay as long as you do it consciously, take care of yourself, and are honest with the people you meet.

Time just for you

There is no clear list of advantages of being single, because our experiences are different. However, it is worth looking at them as a chance to get to know yourself better.

You can do whatever you want, whatever that means to you: change your hairstyle, make new friends, try a new hobby. Being single means that a lot of the time you used to spend with your partner, you have to use differently.

This is a time that you can use well and make positive changes in your life. If you don't feel the need for new, intense experiences, focus on personal development or working on emotions. For example, go to therapy, start keeping a journal and ask yourself a few important questions, including: how important is a relationship to you? what do you expect from your partner? what caused the previous relationship to end? You can go further into reflections about what you want from life, what kind of relationship you have with yourself and what is difficult for you in relationships. The possibilities are endless!

Finding answers to these (and similar) questions will later result not only in deeper relationships, but also, among other things, greater self-awareness, often greater empathy, and better communication skills.

It's not easy work, but if you're willing to take it on, you'll experience positive results in many seemingly unrelated aspects of your life.

When is it worth being alone with yourself?

Story time: At the age of 17, I got involved with a much older, quite well-known and influential man in the local community. After 2 years, I was mentally exhausted, I didn't believe that anyone would love me anymore and I had extremely low self-esteem.

It wasn't until a year after the breakup that I began to realize how manipulated I had been and that I had been subjected to violence. Later, I went on dates, sometimes slept with someone, fell in love (but always with unavailable people or people who treated me badly).

I began to notice that certain situations were repeating themselves. I read articles about relationships, tried to find the reasons for my self-destructive behavior. Gradually, I learned to set boundaries, take care of my comfort, and not make my self-esteem dependent on what some guy thought of me.

I don't think I would be able to focus on my relationship with myself as much while being in a relationship, because I would just pour all my energy into the other person again. It wasn't until 4 years after that breakup that I entered into a new relationship.

Being single can sometimes really heal us. So if you've been in an abusive, emotionally difficult relationship, give yourself that time. It's really worth it. This thought is perfectly summed up by the text posted by Kasia Wójtowicz under one of her works on Instagram (@vvojtowicz): "Don't plug your holes with another person, because it's always a foreign body. You have to plug them with your own clay."

Advantages of being single_single

Of course, the list below is based on my experiences and what I've heard from friends, family, and others. It may look completely different to you.

• You have time for yourself, which you can spend however you want: hobbies, meetings with family or friends, a movie marathon, a home spa.
• You save money (on shopping, trips, gifts).
• You can focus on yourself, also internally.
• You get to know yourself better.
• You can go on dates and discover what is important to you, attractive, or annoying about the other person.
• Tinder isn't for everyone, but if you're open to the idea, it's worth a try.
• You don't have to compromise on everyday matters (where to eat dinner, how to spend the weekend, or go to a party).
• You only watch movies that you like; you listen to your favorite music without your partner complaining.
• You don't have to make any big decisions, for example about the future of your relationship, your apartment, or a possible wedding.
• If you meet someone and you're not sure if they like you - savor that stage, even if it doesn't result in a relationship. It's still a great experience!

I believe there is a right time for everything in life. Sometimes we crave freedom, the feeling that we can do whatever we want and experiment. Sometimes we need a break from relationships to heal our relationship with ourselves and regain our sense of self-worth. Of course, being single is not a cure-all, but it is often exactly what we need – even if we don’t know it yet.