What’s it like being a mom?

But there are a few things that neither I nor any of my friends heard about in childbirth classes. And I feel an inner need and a moral obligation to other women to write about these things.

Motherhood - time to start!

I wonder now if it is possible to determine the moment when you become a mother. Is it when you first say the sacramental "Do I speak Chinese?" or "Nobody helps me in this house", or maybe earlier? Well, it varies. You can feel like a mother the moment you see a positive result of a pregnancy test. You can feel like one while completing a layette or decorating a room. You can feel like one when you notice the first movements of the baby. But it also happens that the ninth month of carrying a child in your belly passes and you have zero emotions. Task mode, full readiness, but somehow your heart does not feel any warmer. Heck, I will write more! You can hold a child in your arms and it still may not be love at first sight. Seriously. Such a small, swollen baby, not at all pink like in the advertisements, and the smell is far from candy-like! Well. Sometimes it happens. Your bond will probably evolve (oh, how much!). It will change and definitely strengthen. There is nothing abnormal about being stressed, sore and lost at first, and the baby not compensating for the effort it puts you through (and they promised it would). You've known each other for nine months, but you still need time to get used to each other, and the feeling that you are a MOTHER can appear at the most unexpected moment. For example, I was shocked when my first tooth appeared. I realized that the toothless smile that I had been blessed with for less than four months was irreversibly gone. I felt then how much I loved that smile and how special it was to me.

I think the most important thing is to observe yourself. Be alert to your emotions and state of mind. If you still feel anxious, unable to cope with the situation, have a low mood, are tearful and sad, feel guilty, wronged or helpless - contact a psychotherapist. These may be the beginnings of postpartum depression. Do not hesitate to ask for help, including from people close to you. We also encourage you to read the article about the first visit to a psychotherapist .

What’s it like being a mom?

I'll start from the beginning. When one of my close friends visited me after giving birth and asked me what it was like to be a mother, I couldn't and couldn't answer. Probably because I was in deep shock at the time, unable to think logically yet. Today, as a mother of two, I think - quite honestly and without sugarcoating - that motherhood is an endless loop of remorse, endorphins and fear for everything. It is also a transition into a state similar to split personality. That's how I think about it. One moment you smell your own child's head, you melt in the smell and your saliva glands are twisting from the excess of sweetness you see, and only five seconds later you're biting your cheeks and mentally (or not mentally) throwing out vulgar words because your cotton candy cloud has once again bitten your nipple or ripped out a large handful of your hair (or what's left of it).

You think differently

Motherhood changes the way we perceive certain things. Or rather, most things. For example, autumn... So far: yuck, colorful leaves, chestnuts, sweaters, blankets, mulled wine, cocoa, books! And now? Leaves are strewn all over the house and if I don't find them in time, they lie damp, for example, under my older daughter's pillow. Chestnuts and acorns have earned the honorable name of junk (censored), which is even strewn in the cutlery drawer, and at night you can't quietly go to the bathroom without kicking this junk hard into the fridge. Sweaters and blankets? No way! The still raging hormones are giving me such hot flashes that this year I haven't even taken out my down jacket for the winter! Mulled wine? Oh, how I would...! HOW I WOULD. But I'm breastfeeding, so I'll probably hold off for another two years. On the other hand, cocoa is causing chaos in my already disorganized intestines. What's left for me there? Ah, a book. Once I put the kids to bed, clear a path to the bathroom through the layers of filth all over the floor, get myself sorted, even if only superficially, and hop into bed, then... "u ...

Another example of perceiving reality differently than when you weren't a parent is a story from the last few months, when as part of our evening relaxation, we - parents - decided to delve into the depths of the internet. Into really stupid depths, in order to typically reset our brains (before the next day we have to deal with the Baby Shark loop again, oh my). That's how we came across a video recorded in some bar, in which a young girl rides a mechanical bull without holding her hand. It wasn't the video you probably thought of. The girl wasn't trying to be sexy, she was wearing some sports clothes and Vans. You could see that she was having a lot of fun. We watched it to the end and there was silence. One look and we knew that we were thinking the same thing. THAT WAS SOMEONE'S DAUGHTER. This could be one of our daughters in about 18 years. In a bar full of drunk people. Never mind that it was innocent and carefree. But it could have had clear associations. Someone in that bar might have had some associations! ...and when you're a parent, that's basically all you need...

Not good enough

The worst enemy of a new parent is remorse. The damned, ubiquitous, never-ending remorse. That you don't carry or cuddle enough (but you have to wash or do your business sometime!). That you don't eat a healthy diet (and a mother should!). That the house isn't clean enough (even though you vacuum, wash, scald, disinfect, and air). That you're out of shape (and it's been a MONTH since you gave birth). That you don't smile enough (and everyone says that a happy mother is a happy child). That you drink too much coffee (and even in zombie mode you can push a stroller on a walk). That you don't put on a hat (and the July wind is so strong that it's definitely blowing between the little one's ears).

This can go on forever, seriously. And even strangers turn out to be better experts on your child than you are. They forget to advise only one thing: to breathe. Because as long as you breathe, it's not so bad.

Like a drug

I left the best for last. Endorphins. Oh my, nothing compares to this. That feeling when you wrap a baby in a scarf, it tightens its tiny hands on your shirt and, soothed by the beating of your heart, goes to sleep. Do you understand this euphoria? There is a creature that is CALMED BY THE BEATING OF YOUR HEART! In moments like these, I glide through the living room, humming Clean Bandit's "And I'm dancin' on to your heartbeat". Me, my baby and hormones are my dream dance trio. It doesn't matter that you didn't sleep at night, your joints and spine hurt. As long as your little nose whistles in your ear, it's great! :)