Dad, be more present. Come on vacation

Although Poland is still in the inglorious group of countries that are far from allowing same-sex couples to adopt children, the latter – as popular memes say – are most often raised by two women – the mother and the grandmother.

The Inequality Virus

As if that were not enough, the pandemic has put an even greater burden on the shoulders of not only Polish women, during which, according to, among others, a report by the European Commission, in addition to remote work, they also had to supervise the home education of their children and do housework. Mothers were much more likely than fathers to take care leave and benefits during the closure of schools and kindergartens during this period, which only proves the thesis that the coronavirus is erasing emancipatory gains.

Experts from UN Women point out that this could set us back 25 years in terms of gender equality efforts, and to support this thesis, they cite research conducted during the lockdown. The conclusions? Not interesting, because they show that women had to spend an additional 5.2 hours on average taking care of children, while men had to spend only 3.5.

Where is dad?

The figure of the absent father is still very much present in our culture and economic system. On the one hand, this is due to unequal pay between the sexes, which makes it more profitable for a man to support a family. However, if we turn the coin around, we see that the problem is also deeply rooted beliefs that women are somehow better suited to supporting the home.

Of course, science has repeatedly disproved the belief that biological conditions determine caring competence. But this does not apply to the method of socialization, in which we teach little girls to take care of dolls and cuddly toys, and we discourage boys from playing house. To this must be added the strong parental archetypes, especially in European culture, taken straight from religious tradition, creating an image of a perfect mother who is completely devoted to the family and a father who shows no feelings, or rather does not take any active part in raising the child, which was most aptly summed up by the heroine played by Laura Dern in Marriage Story (2019) .

A vacation to the patriarchy

The mentality of men who are reluctant to care may not be so easy to change, but what are systemic incentives for? UNICEF points out that in countries that have social policies that are most supportive of both parents in raising children, the development of happy and fulfilled children proceeds best. The leaders of such countries include Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Estonia and Portugal. The key to their success in their case turned out to be, among other things, long care leave, which fathers and mothers must share. For example, in Sweden this time is a total of 480 days, of which the mother is entitled to a mandatory 90 days, and the father the same amount. They can use the rest however they want.

Experts, including the International Labor Organization, point to the need to extend leave and strive for a more or less equal division of leave, indicating that the family as the basic social unit shapes the entire society. This means that we then transfer equality from the home to the next tissues of public life. Such solutions also help build a sense of security and happiness among family members, and consequently also eliminate discrimination against women on the labor market and their overload with caregiving duties, as well as demographic problems, because a mother supported by her partner is more willing to decide on another pregnancy.

Studies show that involvement in care also has a positive effect on fathers themselves and their work-life balance. But does this have a chance of happening in Poland? The bill to extend paternity leave from two to six weeks has already been submitted to the Sejm and – although it is controversial, it still has a chance of being processed. If MPs want happy children to live in Poland, then they probably have no choice but to announce: it's time for a vacation!