Life After Sexual Assault

Fear, shock, shame – these are just some of the feelings that accompany victims of sexual assault. This applies to both victims of rape and victims of inappropriate words spoken against them. Some of them file reports to the police, others decide to suffer in silence and solitude. Why are sexual crimes often complicated and what can we do to reduce them?

In 2014, the Fundamental Rights Agency, an independent organization of the European Union, published the results of its several-year study on violence against women. It shows that around 55% of women in the European Union have experienced some form of sexual harassment – ​​this is around 100 million women. 33% of those surveyed have experienced physical or sexual violence, the vast majority of whom were committed by a permanent partner. Interestingly, among the 28 countries surveyed, Poland has one of the lowest results – around 32% of women have experienced harassment, and 19% have experienced violence. This sounds optimistic, but in terms of numbers, it still means over 3.5 million women. If we compare this data with the results of reports available on the website of the Office of the Commissioner for Equal Treatment, we can see how often these women are left without help – an analysis of police and court statistics for 2013 shows that the police received over 58 thousand reports of such crimes. Only 13 thousand of them resulted in the perpetrator being punished.

No statistics will show us the full picture of sexual harassment and violence – this type of crime is still covered by a taboo, which makes it difficult to punish those responsible for the assault and to allow their victims to function normally. Although it is impossible to collect statistics, we know that many sexual crimes are not reported at all due to the shame and shock experienced by the victims. Victims do not want to report to the police because they do not want to relive what happened. Perhaps it would be easier for them if they knew that they would be treated seriously and with appropriate sensitivity. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

It is said that sexual assault is the only crime in which the justice system finds fault with the victim – no one suggests that a murder victim encouraged her attacker to kill her, or that the owners of luxury homes “asked” for a break-in, but it is surprisingly common in rape trials for lawyers to refer to the victim’s attire or behaviour. In response, several art projects have been created to show how inadequate this approach is – in which victims of assault have presented the clothes they were wearing at the time of the tragedy. There are almost no clothes that could be described as “provocative” – most often they are ordinary everyday outfits, such as a sweater and jeans. However, the creation of such works highlights that in order to get proper help, the victim must first defend herself – show that her appearance and behaviour were “appropriate”, as if a girl in a short dress were not worth defending herself.

Let's not forget that rape is not always a sudden attack - rape is any sexual act in which one of the parties does not participate of their own free will. Most victims know their perpetrators, and a large number of them are regular partners. Emotional involvement makes it even more difficult to take action against such a person. Rape - although not prosecuted by the justice system - is also a situation in which one of the people agrees to sexual intercourse, even though they do not really want it, but feel that such behavior is expected of them. Although no code regulates such a situation, the victim's psyche suffers greatly. Let's remember that this applies to both women and men - in their case, it may be about the desire to "prove their masculinity", even though for various reasons they are not ready for sex or do not feel like it, but do not want to admit it.

A breakthrough in the social discussion on sexual violence was the high-profile #metoo campaign, which helped to show the scale of the phenomenon. Well-known women in the public sphere spoke openly about their experiences, which encouraged thousands of women around the world to share their stories. #metoo contributed two very important things: first, it helped to show how many people are affected by the problem of sexual harassment, and second, it presented the diversity of stories that victims remembered as traumatic. We are different in character, so we can perceive similar situations in different ways. Some people only learned from #metoo that words that may seem funny to one person can cause great discomfort to someone else. The comments on personal confessions were very diverse – some commentators admitted that they had no idea about such phenomena and treated the action as an opportunity to expand their knowledge, mindfulness and empathy, some unfortunately limited themselves to crude jokes and remarks such as "to be offended by something like that...", "now everything is harassment", "what, you can't joke"? The saddest thing seems to be that very often the authors of such statements were women.

Is it really not possible to "joke" anymore? Well, if there is a possibility that people listening to our jokes will not be amused by them, it may be worth considering whether they are really there. Permission for violence begins with such small things as what is and is not appropriate to joke about. Many of us probably remember the media statement by Andrzej Lepper, who wondered whether it is possible to rape a prostitute. With this one sentence, he showed both the lack of respect for sex workers and the fact that the boundaries of intimacy are subject to discussion and can be joked about. If we hear such words from people holding important public functions, it can affect our sense of security and give further permission for similar statements, and consequently - for harmful acts.

So what can we do to make life safer? Simply: react. Call out the authors of inappropriate jokes. Look for information on legal and psychological help. Support the wronged, even by assuring them that they can count on us – that we will testify in court, that we will not tell anyone if the victim is not ready for it, that they are not oversensitive and that what happened is not their fault. Change starts with us. If we make it clear that certain behaviors are unacceptable, the feeling of impunity will start to disappear.