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Catcalling, or verbal harassment

Updated: December 20, 2021 7min. Author Ania Kurecka

Unwanted advances, suggestive gestures, whistling and lip-smacking. Most of us have experienced sexual harassment in public spaces at least once in our lives. What is catcalling, where did it come from and how can we best respond to it?

Vierified by:

Margaret Iwanek

Catcalling – what is it?

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” you hear as you pass a construction site, a bus stop, a park bench, or really anything in a public space. If your reaction is anything other than a modest lowering of your eyes, a slight blush of shame, and a few sweet words of thanks, in a split second you go from an unearthly angel to an insensitive bitch who “isn’t really that pretty,” which is why this complete stranger swears to his buddies that he “wouldn’t even touch you with a stick.”

You keep walking. Best case scenario? You just feel really, really sorry. You involuntarily blame yourself for choosing the other side of the street, looking away a few seconds earlier, wearing pants instead of a dress, not putting on lipstick.

At the same time, deep down you know that no matter what preventive measures you take, there might still be someone who thinks they have the right to judge your body in an indiscriminate way and thus ruin your mood for the rest of the day.

Vulgar comments. Nevertheless vulgar gestures.

Whistling, smacking, grunting and clucking.

Pseudo-compliments, as well as the immortal ones: "there's nothing more to say", "have a little distance" and "you should not have tempted".

You know the entire repertoire.

In reality, you know perfectly well that you did nothing wrong. There is no such thing as “dressing provocatively.” The sad truth is that there will always be some stranger who will think you look “provocative” just because you are. This phenomenon is so common that it has its own name in English: victim blaming.

We encourage you to read our article on passive aggression .

Verbal sexual harassment is something that the terrifying majority of us have experienced at least once in our lives. As my boyfriend pointed out, it is highly likely that each of us has been an initiator, participant, or witness. However, cat calling was only defined in Polish dictionary terms a few years ago (by the University of Warsaw Language Observatory). It is defined as: “vulgar sexual advances or comments directed by men towards women in public spaces, such as to a woman passed on the street.” I have not personally encountered the opposite situation, but I cannot rely solely on my own experience – there are statistics confirming that the situation also applies to men. So, in the interests of equal treatment, I would amend that: “largely directed by men towards women, although this type of abuse can be experienced regardless of gender or identity.”

I think you will agree with me that the term "molestowanie" is extremely strong and carries a huge emotional charge. You may also think that it is not entirely adequate - because it is often automatically associated with the so-called bad touch and all forms of physical violation of someone's autonomy, crossing boundaries. In Polish, however, we do not have a better expression than "molestowanie słówne", which would refer specifically to verbal forms of abuse - in English it functions as street harassment .

Read the article about child sexual abuse and its impact on children's psyche, written by psychologist Małgorzata Iwanek.

Where does catcalling come from?

Once, in primary school, a friend said something about me that I didn't like. To emphasize the meaning of his words, he used a vulgar word, I don't remember which one now.

Without thinking, I kicked him in the groin.

I know that “violence is the weakest card,” but at the time it was the only defensive reaction my eight-year-old self could come up with in such a short period of time.

The boy burst into tears and complained to his teacher.

"Girls don't behave like that," I heard then. "That spot on a boy's body is very sensitive, you could have done him irreversible harm." I heard quite a lot, unlike my friend.

It's interesting that no one thought about the girls' sensitive areas back then. Or about the irreversible harm that was being done to them every time adults said things like: "boys are like that", "typical horsey advances, no need to be offended" or my favorite "he's picking on you because he likes you!"

We, women, who are taught to be submissive from childhood – even in situations (and especially when) our boundaries are crossed and our rights are violated. A girl is supposed to be nice, polite and obedient. She should respond to teasing with a smile, because “anger harms beauty” and “these are compliments”. She must be ready that firm opposition will be met with equally firm condemnation (“girls don’t behave like that”). Helplessness is supposed to become her domain.

At the same time, boys are taught that they cannot show weakness. They are allowed to engage in more violent behaviors, while being reprimanded or ridiculed for showing vulnerability.

The vulgar behavior of his friend was left without comment. He was eight years old at the time, just learning the rules of etiquette. Perhaps he was not even aware that words can hurt, or maybe he was testing how much he could get away with.

What do you think he learned from that experience?

The right to sex

Although catcalling is often associated with construction workers, I don’t think it’s a class phenomenon – it’s simply a reflection of the patriarchal culture we’re all steeped in, up to the tops of our heads. A culture that, by design, encourages men to believe in their own “right to sex” – something I first read about in Rebecca Solnit.

According to the concept ofthe right to sex , a man's rights are already greater than those of a woman (if she has any at all). Sex is something that is simply due to one group, and the other group is obliged to provide it - regardless of willingness. A woman is not a subject here, but an object; she is a body, but not the owner of that body.

This right is not just about sex. A man has the right to stare at you without embarrassment. He has the right to comment loudly on your appearance, clothing, and facial expression. He has the right to tease you, to be pushy, to know your name and phone number. If you deny him this right, he has the right to violence, not just verbal violence. He has the right to make you feel embarrassed, humiliated, trapped.

Does this mean the end of the era of innocent flirting?

There are many ways to show admiration or to connect with another person. Vulgar comments and gestures directed at a stranger on the street are simply not one of them, and the fact that many people still think differently (apparently) is a clear indication of how much work we have ahead of us.

Verbal harassment is never a compliment. Judging someone's appearance, whether positively or negatively, in a way that makes the other person feel objectified or uncomfortable, is not a compliment.

“What about innocent flirting?” is a question we sometimes hear when we reach this point in the discussion. “Aren’t we getting dangerously close to the point where a guy will be afraid to talk to a girl because he might be labeled a molester?”

The word "flirt" comes from the Old French term c onter fleurette , meaning "to (try) to tempt" by dropping flower petals. Today, we understand it as a social behavior based primarily on flirtatious gestures and conversation of a more or less erotic nature. Seduction, on the other hand, is defined as arousing desire in someone and persuading that person to have sexual intercourse.

It is not hard to conclude that the common ground here is the question of consent . I would even go so far as to say that asking for consent, waiting for the answer, and then ensuring that the affirmative answer does not change is a large – if not the main – part of the whole game.

So if someone is so afraid that opposing rape culture will automatically mean the end of the flirting era, they have never really bothered to examine what flirting actually is. And it is highly likely that sam_a is part of the problem.

We write about emotions. See our article on empathy .

How to respond to vulgar comments?

There is no law in Poland (like in the Netherlands or France) in which verbal sexual harassment is precisely defined. At the same time, according to Article 141 of the Polish Code of Offences: "whoever places an indecent announcement, inscription or drawing in a public place or uses indecent words , shall be subject to the penalty of restriction of freedom, a fine of up to PLN 1,500 or a reprimand". Let's know our rights.

In my opinion, women have become accustomed to the permanent feeling of psychological discomfort in public places and have learned to function with it. However, this habit does not mean that we should not strive for change. On the contrary, I hope that we will do everything to ensure that future generations will not experience catcalling at all – both from the perspective of the perpetrator and the injured party.

Okay, you're on the street, a stranger yells at you, "nice ass." What can you do?

Some say that one of the best responses is ridicule. The main purpose of this is to bring the molester down to their level and embarrass them in the eyes of their friends. Loud expressions of disapproval are also good methods (“Embarrassing. Do you talk to your mother like that too?”) and clear boundaries (“I don’t want comments like that”). However, some of us go numb in such a situation and are unable to get the words out – if you are one of them, don’t blame yourself. Try not to smile at your abuser, though.

Most people still choose to pretend they misheard.

I understand that. First and foremost, we must remember our safety. If it's after dark, there's no one around or you feel threatened, give up trying to straighten out the strange guy, quicken your pace and try to get to a place where you'll be safe as quickly as possible.

If, however, we are not in danger – let us react. Let us react both as people experiencing harassment and as witnesses to the whole event. Let us show that we see this behavior and do not consent to it. Let us loudly oppose the violation of personal boundaries. If we have such an opportunity – let us turn on the camera on our phone and threaten to report the matter to the police. Let us refer to the Code of Petty Offenses. Let us behave as if the person being harassed were our best friend, partner or sister-brother – not only because they actually ARE someone's best friend, partner or sister-brother, but because they are a living being. Exactly the same as you.

What else can we do?