Boys in Dresses: Do Clothes Have Gender?

I don't know if you're a parent or guardian. Maybe you are. I'm not, but I have a great imagination.

So let's imagine for a moment that I'm a mother. I have two children of similar ages, a girl and a boy, and we're going to a family party together. It's the height of summer, thirty-something degrees. When I dress my daughter in a light, cotton dress, my son says he wants one too.

What should I do?

On the one hand, there are no real contraindications. I am already a big girl and I know that the choice of outfit depends on the individual decision of each person, regardless of gender. There will probably be so many dresses in my daughter's wardrobe that we could dress all the boys from kindergarten. To choose from, to the fullest. The only thing worth considering is the size, but my children are similar in height and build, and children's clothes are not particularly well-fitting. And last but not least - let's not kid ourselves, dresses are simply more comfortable than shorts. Especially in such heat.

On the other hand, I am not so naive as not to know that for the majority of society a boy in a dress will simply look strange. By dressing my son in such a way, I may expose him to ridicule and unpleasant comments. My partner and I will probably not escape sarcastic remarks from our family about our parenting methods.

On the third hand (is there such a thing as a "third hand"?), I would like to treat my child the same way I treat all my loved ones: I want to support him in every decision, even if I would do it differently, as long as something harmful or dangerous is not involved.

And the dress isn't hurting anyone.

The decision has been made.

I tell my son (using age-appropriate language) that of course he can wear a dress, but he needs to be aware that this is stereotypically a girl's outfit, and that questions or even unpleasant remarks may arise as a result. If my son doesn't seem particularly concerned, I ask my daughter if we can borrow something from her closet. When my daughter agrees, I suggest my son chooses an outfit. He chooses the one with the cats.

We go – the children in dresses and me in linen shorts.

Shorts that not so long ago I couldn't wear as a woman, and in the Middle Ages I would have been literally burned alive at the stake for wearing them.

A Brief History of Men's Fashion

There is no such thing as a “women’s” outfit, just as there is no “men’s” outfit. Clothing is simply a piece of material, not a living being. It is we, as a society, who assign it a specific (re)purpose. Later, we sometimes redefine it.

The creators of one of the world's first civilizations, the Sumerians, had skirts made of leaves and grass, the ancient Egyptians wrapped their hips with a belt of cloth, and the tunic was the basic attire of the Greeks and Romans.

Trousers – or rather the legs themselves – were initially worn only by barbarians. They protected the skin of the legs from abrasion by the horse's back, and were also good in lower temperatures and on foot, when it was easy to get cut. The fashion for them came to Europe in the middle of the first millennium AD.

During the Renaissance, a typical element of a man's wardrobe was silk, embroidered stockings. In the 15th and 16th centuries, men wore garters, often with decorations in the form of bows, ribbons or lace. In general, in the 17th century, lace enjoyed enormous popularity - it was used to finish almost every item of clothing of the sex that was incomprehensibly described as "ugly".

These are not the only examples of clothes or accessories that are currently associated with being "feminine".

High heels were a typical element of Persian cavalry footwear – they made it easier to keep the foot in the stirrups and stabilized the archer's silhouette. Later, Louis XIV took a liking to them – he liked this literal display of his superiority over the people, who needed flat and comfortable shoes for work. In addition to heels, red soles also played an important role – they were a sign that their owner was a member of the court.

Another historical curiosity: until the 19th century, children up to the age of 7 were dressed the same, regardless of gender – in light, flowing tunics. For example, you can Google photos of a young Ernest Hemingway or another Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

The truth is, however, that we do not have to refer to the past at all. Aren't Scottish kilts simply a variant of a skirt, and a clergyman's cassock a specific model of a dress? It is interesting how much context changes the way we perceive these pieces of clothing.

The context and the times in which we happen to live.

Why do boys want to wear dresses anyway?

When we realize that culture is not something imposed from above, but something that we as a society create ourselves, it seems logical that the only path to change is through normalization.

Of course, I realize that not everyone can be strong enough to deal with social pressure, especially when it comes to putting their own child in harm's way. I understand that.

All the more reason I believe that people who have this strength should fight againstharmful stereotypes . For themselves and their children – not just their own.

Perhaps new question marks have popped into your head now: "Okay, Ania, even assuming you're right - it's probably normal for us to adapt to our environment, right? So why do modern boys even want to wear dresses? What for? Isn't it just a matter of... you know... inclinations?"

The answer is much simpler than it might seem: this desire stems primarily from pure, childlike curiosity. After all, this is exactly the stage when a child is just discovering the world, driven by fascination – and great! It is completely normal to want to experience everything on their own skin, to taste, touch, feel. A child is simply… a child here.

It absolutely does not have to have anything to do with sexual orientation – children up to a certain age are not aware of the differences between the sexes, they learn about them gradually during the socialization process. Let's also remember that gender and sexual orientation are innate. A boy who feels like a boy will not change his identity by putting on a dress. ;) This should be obvious to us, and the fact that it is not is a clear indication of the level of sexual education in Polish schools.

An interesting observation was made on Twitter the other day: when a cisheterosexual person puts on a dress, people can say, “Only women wear dresses!”, “What a woman!”, “You’re not a man anymore,” and the like. At the same time, when a transgender girl comes into view, the same people say, “Wearing a dress doesn’t change the fact that you’re a man.”

Another thing: let's say your child is actually homosexual or transgender. What does that really matter? It's interesting that some adults still have no problem with toys that look like weapons or cartoons that normalize violence and sexism , while at the same time seeing some incredible danger in... nature.

You can also read about the influence of upbringing on sexuality in our other article .

We live in interesting times. We continue to struggle with discrimination – in almost every field. Masses of people are forced to take to the streets and fight for basic rights. According to the leaders of many countries, armed conflict still seems to be the only right solution, and democracy in some European countries is at least threatened. At this very moment, someone is being harassed or raped. Our culture is dripping with sexism. There is a coronavirus pandemic in the world. Interest in conspiracy theories is growing. We are in the middle of a climate crisis, an economic crisis, a refugee crisis, and at least a few others.

Seriously, we have real reasons to worry.

The boy in the dress, regardless of his identity or sexual orientation, is simply not one of them.