Umbilical. Count "death" because life is born

Times are changing, but a man who announces he's about to become a father still faces a lot of questions about baby showers. Baby showers, if you don't know, are usually a very boozy party, the supposed purpose of which is to celebrate new life.

Warning! The situations described below are highly exaggerated (and definitely the worst possible!) scenarios from the course of labor - products of my imagination, which is drifting in uncharted waters, as I wonder "what if". Of course, in real life, labor is often a spiritual experience, charged with endorphins (which I wrote about here ), and a new father who is simply happy to have a child can have his favorite drink and it does not erase his role and value, and it does not prevent him from being available.

Maternity ward

The doctors, the staff, and most of all, the person giving birth, are fighting FOR A NEW LIFE. Everyone is focused on their part of the “job to do.” There is a fight against time and their own fatigue. You can’t let go. Just a moment, just a moment. The first scream. Emotions, crying, and two hearts beating together. And the father of the child? “Nurse, has the father of the child arrived at the hospital and is he ready for kangaroo care?”

Meanwhile at home…

Clouds of smoke, broken glass, alcohol flowing in streams. The fight for survival continues. For the father's honor and the offspring's health. A group of men hold on bravely to the couch like a boat torn by a stormy sea. They inhale Cuban cigars because no one told them that - just like with the navel party - it's not done THAT STYLE.

Who came up with this?

I would like to see who first came up with this idea. An alpha male who suddenly, out of nowhere, had a brain impulse jump from one place to another and the plan was born: "We have to drink this until we pass out." He put on the best, least worn-out tank top he could find behind the couch and went off to celebrate his new life.

I will specify that this is the extreme we are talking about - choosing alcohol instead of just being together at one of the most important moments in life. Sure, you can celebrate this new life a bit more cultured than by drinking "to the episode". However, I have doubts whether any entertainment at the exact moment when a woman is in hospital does not negate the normal availability of a partner and father. And what if it is necessary to go there urgently? And what if it is necessary to simply "hang" on the phone, be silent together or talk about anything, at a time when hormones are at their peak and it is really hard to swallow it while sitting (and not sleeping) in the hospital?

Ritual of "real men"

I read on the internet that it is a rite of passage. Saying goodbye to the old life, the boyhood stage and at the same time welcoming into the circle of fathers – entering the period of responsibility and adulthood. It really boils inside me. Pouring a sea of ​​alcohol into yourself as a marker of responsibility, oh my. Real parenthood begins with the decision of whether you want to be together with your family in the most important, often difficult, moments.

We're even!

When a woman becomes pregnant, she takes on all the risk associated with it. Taking care of herself, providing all the ingredients necessary for the proper development of the fetus, carrying the pregnancy to term, and finally the hardships of childbirth and postpartum , coping with the changes in her own body and life. What does she get in return? Alcoholic breath as a result of a "rite of passage."

Belly buttons are a shame!

Fortunately, from my observations, the practice of navel parties is slowly dying. "Slowly" - this does not mean that it is completely becoming a thing of the past. It probably depends on the environment in which one lives and the pressure from the environment. And this, as we know, can be quite high.

I dream that one day the belly button would be synonymous with embarrassment and parental embarrassment. Times are changing. I can see it even in my surroundings. Just a few years ago, my daughter's father received many "praises" regarding childcare. "A precious guy - he'll bathe you, change your diaper, if he had breasts, he'd take turns feeding you" - that's a compliment disguised as a sneer. Nevertheless, he was perceived as a phenomenon when it comes to the role of a father. Now it's a bit different, because I often hear: "Today, women have their heads on their shoulders, they choose men who truly care about their family, and not just who to drink vodka with and strike a deal with. The deal will work out or not, the children will grow up, and you wake up old and wonder when the best years of starting a family slipped through your fingers."

There's probably nothing to add here, I see it exactly this way. When a woman and a man are closest and most needed, and multiply their love through children, there's no question of separation or separate rituals. If we celebrate the birth of our child, we do it together. We enjoy good moments together and cry together, because it's hard and demanding. Men probably realize this, because they're getting better at being together.

What really moved me recently was my daughters' father, who admitted that he had been talking to his buddies at work and it turned out that he wasn't the only one who couldn't braid his daughters' hair. He also found out that there were workshops for fathers and daughters on how to do their hair. In my opinion, these are real fathers. Always "in the middle of things", not outside of them.

What to use instead of the navel?

First of all, it is worth taking care of the new family and enjoying what is happening and what is so fleeting, momentary. You can try to capture it in a photo every day, or you can buy a family photo session, which - when the mother recovers from the birth and the baby acclimates a bit to the world - will be a great adventure for all of you and will result in a great souvenir for the future.

You can also prepare recordings describing your new reality and the observations of young parents. Nothing is as fragile as memory, so your voices will be a wonderful gift for your growing child.

Another idea for celebrating parenthood is to meet up with your buddies for a bowling, paintball or climbing wall (a pretty good metaphor for becoming a father). The condition? Mom has to feel well enough to want and be able to take care of the baby during this time, and let Dad have a full reset with his friends. Then you can reverse the roles and Mom gets to go for some “me time.”

And if you have a family willing to help, you can plan a joint outing – your choice, whether it will be an extreme outing, a regular date (for example, a trip to the cinema), or dinner at a restaurant. The little one will strengthen the bond with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and you – with yours. It will be good for everyone!