"Why didn't he react?!" - sexual violence against women

Why didn't a woman react, who had always (since childhood, in fact) been taught not to express disagreement? Not to be a "tomboy"? To smile nicely and bow in thanksgiving instead of stomping her foot and expressing dissatisfaction? Who had been bought dolls so that she could take care of others?

This is of course a huge simplification, but this is how girls are taught to take care of someone else's needs. If this is not balanced by education about one's own boundaries, and only rewards obedience with applause , it is difficult to later oppose someone else's needs, in this case sexual ones.

Another dangerous stereotype is that “a woman’s ‘no’ is really a ‘yes,’ but she doesn’t want to seem slutty or easy .” Where does this assumption come from? Is it perhaps from societal expectations of what women should be?

Harmful stereotypes do not spare men either. Take, for example, the statement that "a real man takes what he wants" or "a man always wants sex, it's in his nature." No, no, and no again. Here we have the answer to the question of whether sex education is needed in our country.

Just as you can't demand sex from someone, you can't make assumptions about sex. I'm referring to transgender people.

As the website Tranzycja.pl writes : "heteronormative gender roles are associated with the expectation that AMAB ( assigned male at birth) women will be the active party, and AFAB ( assigned female at birth) men will be the passive party."

The aforementioned expectation is fueled by messages from the media, pornography (including pornography of transgender and cisgender couples, in which transgender women are "on top"). It happens that transgender people who enter into heterosexual relationships before transitioning lose interest in sex, because it does not give a sense of fulfillment , but rather a sense of discomfort . In other cases, even if the sensations are pleasant, the experience itself is not in line with expectations, and the act of penetration becomes forced (the psychological context of the situation), which in turn can naturally reduce interest in sex.

The portal Tranzycja.pl draws attention to the problem of a task-oriented approach to sexual relations: "Many trans people never even experience sex until adulthood, functioning as sexual avoidants due to how severely their dysphoria has shut down all sexual drive. These people may still have sex for the sake of their partners, but they do not derive as much pleasure from it as they could, and even come, disconnecting from the reality around them in order to complete a task."

So once again: Asking for consent is okay . Not wanting sex is okay. Saying no is okay. Always. Blackmail is sexual violence.

We wrote more about it here: https://yourkaya.pl/you-know/a/swiadoma-zgoda-na-seks .

Sexual violence against women in European countries

In 2014, the Fundamental Rights Agency (FRA) conducted a study on sexual violence against women. It found that 1 in 10 women in the EU (11%) had experienced some form of sexual violence after the age of 15, and 1 in 20 women in the EU (5%) had been raped after the age of 15 – the FRA concluded that this equates to more than 9 million women in the EU who were raped after the age of 15.

Breaking the taboo. The STER report on sexual violence found that for women who took part in the study, the perpetrator of the rape was a current (22%) or former (63%) partner, and the incident occurred in a home (55%). The British Rape Crisis Centre reports that up to 90% of people who were raped knew their perpetrator beforehand – in which case the emotional involvement makes it even more difficult to take action against them.

The Council of Europe Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence (the so-called Istanbul Convention ), which has been ratified by 23 European Union countries (and a total of 33 Council of Europe members), including Poland, explicitly requires that the absence of consent be at the heart of any legal definition of rape and other forms of sexual violence. Unfortunately, most of the States Parties to the Convention have not yet made changes (in accordance with the Convention) to their definitions of rape.

Belgium, Cyprus, Germany, Iceland, Ireland, Luxembourg, Sweden, the United Kingdom and Greece – these are the countries (only 9 out of 31 analysed in the November 2018 Amnesty International report) that have made changes to the definition of rape based on lack of consent.

A model example is Sweden, where criminal regulations introduced in 2018 state that rape is engaging in sexual activity without the consent of the other person (even if there is no violence or threat of violence). The regulations speak of consent understood not only as verbal consent, but also as a clearly expressed desire to participate in sexual activity. Similar regulations are in force in New York State and Canada , where it is prohibited to engage in sexual intercourse with another person without their consent.

Ireland has had a definition of rape based on lack of consent since 1981. In England and Wales, the need for consent to sex was defined in its current form in the 2003 Act. In addition, in 2015, new guidance and tools were introduced for prosecutors and police to properly apply the law (including the requirement to ask accused persons to explain how they obtained consent to sex).

Sexual violence and the law in Poland

The concept of "conscious and voluntary consent" still seems to be absent from Polish public debate. According to Polish law, sexual violence is not a crime if the refusal or protest of the harmed person was not very clear or obvious, that is, when there is no resistance from the harmed person to the perpetrator's behavior. What does this mean?

That instead of asking a survivor of sexual assault whether they consented, the justice system asks whether the “NO” was loud and clear enough to actually stop the perpetrator. Unless there was obvious violence, threat, or deception, it is virtually impossible to prove that someone committed rape.

As we wrote in our other article , sexual harassment is the only type of crime in which the justice system finds guilt in the victim – because no one suggests that the victim of murder encouraged her perpetrator to kill or that the owner of any valuables was “asking” for a burglary.

Meanwhile, people who have experienced violence still answer questions about, for example, what they were wearing at the time of the incident, to prove that both their appearance and behavior were appropriate and certainly not provocative.

Changing the definition of rape does not mean eliminating the evidentiary process. Additionally, the presumption of innocence remains in force – it is the prosecutor who must prove that consent to intercourse was not given. So what is it all about?

About changing the approach to a person who has experienced sexual violence – so that they don’t have to explain whether they really said “no”, why they didn’t defend themselves well enough or why they were wearing a dress. The perpetrator would have to explain where the certainty of consenting to sex came from.

By changing the definition of rape to one based on the need to obtain consent, people with disabilities, who were previously more vulnerable to violence due to their health condition, should also feel safer.

What is secondary victimization?

Secondary victimization occurs when a person who has experienced violence suffers further (secondary) harm from others – their environment, support services, and loved ones. The hurtful behaviors and attitudes of those around them most often result from curiosity, ignorance, and lack of empathy. They are also – far too often – caused by stereotypes , resulting in condemnation and stigmatization. This phenomenon makes it difficult for victims to talk about their experiences, shames and humiliates them, leading to a deepening of the trauma.

Sexual violence and false accusations

There are two claims in the public square : one is that false rape accusations are common , and the other is that consent-based legislation increases false rape accusations. Neither of these claims is supported by research.

There is no evidence that false accusations of rape are more common than false accusations of other crimes, such as theft. Meanwhile, sexual crimes are rarely reported to law enforcement because of a lack of trust in the justice system or fear of undermining credibility.

Sexual violence is often not reported. Up to 92% of the study participants did not report rape to the police - according to the report "Breaking the taboo - the rights of victims of sexual violence" , carried out by the Foundation for Equality and Emancipation STER in 2016. In addition to the problem of rapes not being reported by victims, it can be noted that a very small percentage of cases go to court. According to data from the Police Headquarters, in 2017, 2,486 proceedings were initiated in cases of rape, 1,262 crimes were recorded, and 1,050 were detected.

The STER Foundation points out that "the scale of discontinuations of prosecutorial proceedings in cases concerning the crime of rape is particularly alarming" - 2,561 cases out of 4,172 initiated proceedings were discontinued, i.e. 61%.

#metoo

A breakthrough in the topic of sexual violence was the me too campaign , which showed not only the scale but also the diversity of the problem (i.e. the fact that different people can perceive similar situations in different ways).

Publicly known women have spoken openly about their experiences, which has encouraged thousands of people around the world to share their stories. This has helped to make some people aware that there are situations and jokes (forms of violence) that make others uncomfortable .

The most surprising (and probably saddest) part of this campaign were the comments, mostly from other women, confusing sexual harassment with a lack of distance or a sense of humor. Still others made bold conclusions that the me too campaign was a way for famous people to get attention or – even worse – to extort money. Many people even went so far as to express sympathy for the men (!) who could lose everything because they were accused of harassment.

These are hurtful comments that only reinforce stereotypes . In reality, survivors of sexual violence deserve to be believed every time, and their reports should be thoroughly investigated (treated in the same way as the statements of victims of other crimes). And above all, these people should receive the support they deserve and are legally entitled to.

Action – reaction

In response to the #metoo movement, some countries have introduced sexual consent apps , where people sign a contract on their phone before engaging in sexual activity. The solution is innovative and seems quite reasonable, especially in the context of possible inquiries into consent or lack thereof. Unfortunately, it does not address issues related to sudden withdrawal of consent (most apps do not take this into account) and changing comfort levels related to a given sexual activity.

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