Sex as proof of love – that’s not ok!

Forcing something is not love. Encouraging someone to cross your boundaries is not love. Not taking the needs of the other person into account is not love. Not understanding someone's lack of readiness for sex is not love. These are all fake love. A wolf in sheep's clothing trying to convince you that it will be fun.

The language of dummy love

This is the law of love: if you truly love me, you must give me your whole self.

Only you matter. If you love me the same, prove it. 

And my favorite: Let's lose ourselves, just us and nothing else.

It's not so bad if there are "only" a few tears and a broken heart at stake. It's worse if the effect of losing oneself is a venereal disease or an unwanted pregnancy. Then very often the imitation of love evaporates.

Proof of love

A person in love usually has blinkers on their eyes. A pink filter that doesn't allow them to see clearly. Often, it doesn't allow them to see themselves. What matters is the here and now, the person for whom they only want happiness. Think, think, when is a person in the greatest bliss? This thought process usually ends with the decision that if I love, I will agree to sex. I will prove that I am ready to give my whole self. When you read this text, you probably imagine a woman facing the dilemma of when (and whether at all) to give herself to a man. Meanwhile, treating sex as proof of love has no gender. A woman can be used, just as a man can be forced to act against himself, for example in the name of proving his masculinity . Weak? Very weak.

Both of them have made a decision

If sexual activity is your joint decision and you both express conscious and voluntary consent, then great. In such a case, it can actually be an expression of your mutual commitment and willingness to enter the next stage of the relationship. To be EVEN CLOSER TO EACH OTHER. But in any other case, demanding proof of love is not a good idea. This is because emotional blackmail - like passive aggression - is not a good start to a valuable relationship. It even sounds like some kind of transaction. I will give you love, but you have to prove yours. It has nothing to do with respect for the other person, and therefore takes away the pleasure of sex. It is no wonder that after the fact one of the parties has doubts whether it was a good idea.

Proof of love

I got the original

Document basis,

because when one wears out, the other one gets worn out.

The essence of the problem was captured very accurately by the Lady Pank band ("Nawód"). Giving proof of love is an illusory situation in which intercourse would be a seal placed on the relationship, making it inseparable. This is a thought as romantic as it is rare.

Dangerous myths

They have been around for years and are still going strong. One of them is: "If you love someone, you just want to have sex with them." I would say that if you love someone, you just want to give them time. Readiness to start having sex (at all or with a specific partner) is a very individual matter. One person feels ready as soon as they feel butterflies in their stomach, another wants to wait until, for example, the relationship is formal and a possible pregnancy doesn't interfere with either party's plans. Everything in its own time. Definitely a good rule!

Another very dangerous myth, which I have the impression is thrown out half-jokingly, half-seriously, is: "an unused organ atrophies" or - in an even more absurd version - "lack of sex can cause death". Seriously, does anyone buy that? Lack of sex doesn't hurt anyone. Yes, it can lead to frustration and tension, but it doesn't translate to somatics. Besides, masturbation also relieves tension .

In short...

I was sitting at my computer, staring out the window, trying to gather my thoughts, and my boyfriend asked, “What are you writing about this time?” “Sex as a proof of love,” I replied. “Hmm. Didn’t guys come up with that to get laid ?”

That's it. I'm closing the thread, you can go your separate ways.