Difficult Not-First Times (or Sex After Childbirth)

If I had to summarize the preparations for postpartum sex in bullet points, it would look something like this:

1. Gynecological check-up 6 weeks after delivery
2. Thought Control – “Are you ready for this?”
3. Choosing the right moment when you have a chance to not fall asleep from tiredness
4. Security Password

Waiting time – 6 weeks

Sex after childbirth must be avoided for 6 weeks. This is the postpartum period, i.e. the time for the uterus to shrink, bleeding and tissue regeneration. Premature re-initiation can result in, for example, infection of the uterine lining. Some people have additional complications, such as urinary and fecal incontinence (more common after natural childbirth), so they have to wait until these complications pass, and sometimes specialist help is needed. The recovery time is different for each person giving birth, and for each delivery. After my first delivery, I recovered for a full 6 weeks, but surprisingly, after my second delivery it was half as fast.

Readiness is not just physical

Once you get the green light from your doctor, you can jump to the next option: "hurray, let's start!" or "oh no, we're almost there." If you're in the "hurray" group, then go ahead, lucky you. However, if you're not a fan of this idea of ​​filling your "free" time yet, then relax. You HAVE to be ready. Your head and your body have to want it, there's no other option. For some, the desire for sex only appears after a few months. Why? The first weeks after giving birth are a time of increased prolactin production, which helps with lactation, uterine contraction, and suppresses sexual drive. As if that wasn't enough, your body produces less estrogen responsible for libido.

Prolactin in men is also called the "fatherhood hormone". Studies show that its level also increases in young fathers, which makes them more sensitive to the needs and cries of the baby. This also results in a lowered libido.

Besides – honestly? What good is a libido when your head is full of endless questions about your child’s condition and development. “What are these spots on your cheek?”, “Is the dandruff in your eyebrows the famous cradle cap?”, “How often do I have to wake this child up?”, or worst of all: “IS HE GAINING WEIGHT WELL?!” It’s natural that new parents are a bundle of nerves or at least a couple of castaways on an island of doubts. On top of that, they probably don’t sleep much and don’t eat regularly. And the only hot action in the shower is rinsing off stubborn stains (of known origin) from the next mini clothes that day with almost boiling water. “Baby blues” is also popular, i.e. a low mood after giving birth, which by the way needs to be monitored very closely, because if it lasts too long, it can lead to postpartum depression . So, jump on the bull, mommy! Hey, what’s up…? Are you sleeping?

In the case of female partners, to use a slightly childish term, the branch will probably be burning, which of course is no argument that would speed up any preparatory actions (the same is true for the readiness of the partner's pussies)! But it also happens that the female partner does not express readiness because she is still under a huge impression (not to say: burden) of the memory of the labor and/or postpartum period she witnessed. If she was not well enough prepared for the sight of blood, postpartum excrements or scars, she may also not feel like having sex. The psychological aspect is therefore important from the point of view of both parties.

If, several months after giving birth, your sexual activity still has not returned to normal and one partner wants to return to intercourse, while the other half of the couple is still reluctant to have physical contact, it is worth seeking the help of a sexologist. Such a visit will help find and understand the problem.

Another thing I want to write about is the fact that there are no strict rules that govern libido after giving birth. I know a couple in which she – a young mother – gained new vitality after giving birth and a libido so high that she would most like to make love between feedings, while her partner was so fascinated by his new role and devoted himself completely to fatherhood that the bedroom sphere was associated exclusively with sleep and sex faded into the background.

Body

I hope that both you and your partner understand that the body is different. Giving birth is a big deal. Don't be fooled by the celebrity illusion that you can confidently compete in a lingerie show a month after giving birth. Extra pounds, folds, stretch marks, excess skin hanging here, there, and even there. And breasts. Ah, those breasts. But remember what this body has given you and be understanding towards yourself. If it makes you feel better, dim the lights or just light a candle. Although we encourage you to look at it differently. You have never been a more beautiful person!

Before sex...

Tenderness. In these difficult moments, you have each other. Even if you are not ready for intimacy, cherish the feeling. Small gestures like a hug or a pat on the back during the day make it easier and more cheerful. It is your bond that has brought you to this moment. And it will bring you out of it! :)

How was it done?

Many couples start with caresses. Masturbation gives you the opportunity to get to know your body again after giving birth (read more about female masturbation here ). Since you and your partner have known each other for a long time, you probably know what relaxes you best. Reach for proven methods. No rush. As for the intercourse itself, it is important that the person who gave birth controls it. They are the ones who need to feel safe and confident. Remember to choose the right positions, preferably ones in which it is easy to control the force and depth of penetration and in which you do not have to tense your abdominal muscles. Doggy style is not recommended, as it puts a lot of strain on the vaginal muscles, which can cause pain. A good idea would be the missionary position, in which the partner on top supports herself on her hands; the reverse missionary position, when the person with the vagina is on top; the cowgirl position (although not after a cesarean section) and the side position.

How to prepare?

First of all, take care of hydration! Prolactin, which stimulates lactation, simultaneously reduces vaginal hydration. If you decide to have sex while breastfeeding , vaginal moisturizers are very often necessary. Choose those with a simple composition, based on water (like Your KAYA intimate gel ).

Security Password

The last important thing I want to write about here is a safeword. Both of you should make sure that intercourse is gentle and that penetration is not too deep. If you feel any pain, tell each other immediately. Many couples establish a safeword that signals that the action should be stopped immediately. Of course, you can say it normally, but it may turn out that the word "butter" will do less harm than "AAAA, IT HURTS LIKE HELL, LEAVE AND DON'T COME BACK".

On the subject of safewords, I know a great anecdote, a true story.

First attempt at close-up.

Him: What's the safeword?

She: well, simply, "ow, stop..."

Him: Okay.

After a short while, he, uncertain of his partner's expression: are you sure it's not "hitchhiking"?

:D

Finally, I will light your way with a spark of hope – in some people, new erogenous zones are activated after giving birth. Such a surprise from Mother Nature. It is not up to me to judge whether this game is worth the candle. It reminds me more of chocolate on a pillow in a not very clean hotel. But if someone really likes chocolate, such a sudden gift will surely make them very happy.