Your KAYA x Kasia Koczułap - interview

YOUR KAYA: Kasia, thank you for accepting our invitation to an interview. We are starting a series of conversations with inspiring women who have something to say to the world and we admit that we couldn't have dreamed of a better interviewee to inaugurate the whole project.

Let's start with a topic that is closest to our hearts because of our work. Do you think that menstruation is still a taboo subject?

KASIA KOCZUŁAP: Of course. I'll tell you a story. When I got my first period, I heard this from my mother: "Just remember to wrap the used pads tightly in toilet paper, so that your dad or your brother won't see them in the trash can"... After something like that, is it possible not to think of your period as something to be ashamed of? I remember how during my period I would tie my sweatshirt around my waist so that sometimes no one would see that I was wearing a pad...

Unfortunately, I observe with regret how the topic of PMS and period pain is still being trivialized, not to mention the fact that period poverty is doing great in our country... Women often do not know the basic things related to their bodies: they do not know what color their monthly blood should be , how long a period should last, when they should go to the gynecologist... I think there is still a lot to be done on this topic.

YK: Similarly to the topic of sex education, which you deal with. And on Instagram, at that. Where did the idea for such an activity come from?

KK: I want people to have better sex. I want to show that sex, and relationships in general, don't have to be difficult. That we don't have to fight for everything. Sometimes a new, fresh point of view is enough. That's where the idea for the business came from - to help others.

YK: We have to admit that in the era of colorful, consumer-oriented Instagram accounts, this is quite a bold step. Do you get criticized for what you do, or do you rather receive support?

KK: I have a lot of support from friends and loved ones. Incidentally, from strangers on the Internet as well. But not to be so rosy - I get a lot of messages that are emotionally difficult for me. Because what intelligent response can you give to someone who writes that they were raped and want to commit suicide? I give them my support and try to refer them to the right specialists, but it still burdens me mentally...

YK: It means that you inspire great trust in others…

KK: I think so... Returning to the previous question - I do get hate comments, but fortunately most of the messages are requests for advice, especially from young people. They look to me for confirmation that everything is okay with them. Young people are very willing to use my help and knowledge, asking specific questions and sharing their experiences. It's nice when someone writes that I'm the first person they've told about something.

YK: If you could start a sexual revolution in Polish schools, what would you start with?

KK: From creating a curriculum that is based on facts and research, not on assessment. I would change teachers to specialists: sexologists, psychologists and psychologists. I don't say "no" to the biology teacher, provided she knows what she's talking about, but I would keep catechists and clergy away from the subject "Family Life Education". I know examples of classes where the priest talks to his students about sex in a fantastic way, but this is a single exception. I was raised in a strongly Catholic way and as a young girl it seemed okay for the catechist to compare women to household objects - in the sense that a girl who has had many sexual encounters is like a dirty glass that has been touched by many people. At the time, it didn't seem wrong to think that I wanted to be that clean glass...

YK: What you are talking about is beyond our comprehension, but oh well… I guess each of us has had some strange experiences with sex education provided at school…

KK: I remember how in my class, when we were supposed to talk about menstruation, the boys were asked to leave the room... And so, to prevent similar situations, to prevent them from happening in today's education system - I would like people to talk about sex more freely. Shortening the distance is a good idea. Let's come to young people with the message: "Let's talk about what's bothering you" and listen to what they have to say. Besides - I saw the current textbook "Preparing for Family Life" and I almost had a heart attack!

YK: Is it that bad?

KK: That's an understatement. We should probably start by talking about what sex education is and what it isn't. Talking about contraception is not the same as encouraging sex. As sexologists, we talk about contraceptive methods so that young people know what to do. Believe me, young people don't need to be encouraged to have sex. Nature has already done that for us (laughter).

YK: What else is worth talking about?

KK: That sex education is not about teaching how to have sex. It doesn't look like that. Yes, in films you often see a teacher showing how to put a condom on a penis. And it's not that stupid, except that he uses a banana to do it. Have you seen a penis and a banana? They are two different things. If a penis looks like a banana, it's worth consulting someone.

YK: What do you think is worth doing in terms of educating young people?

KK: What is worth focusing on is to adjust the level of knowledge to the age of our listeners. If we have 7, 8, 9-year-olds in front of us, we will rather talk to them about puberty, menstruation, masturbation . With 13-year-olds the conversation will be completely different.

Let's also remember that sex education is really about protecting children. Not only from unwanted pregnancies. It's about, for example, teaching appropriate concepts and vocabulary. Thanks to appropriate education, children will be aware of when someone wants or crosses their boundaries and will be able to communicate about it appropriately.

I would also spend some time meeting with parents - many of them have false beliefs about sex education. Many are ashamed to discuss topics related to sex and physicality with their children and place their hope in teachers. However, it must be remembered that until the moment when sex education in Poland looks like this, and not otherwise - parents will play the most important role in this field. But don't worry - there are many ways to break through and talk about sex with your children sensibly.

YK: Why do you think your activity attracts so much interest?

KK: I try to talk about sex in a simple way. I use inclusive language that doesn't exclude anyone - my message is for everyone. Even those who disagree with me. Heck - I get butterflies in my stomach when someone writes that they have a different opinion than me and we can discuss it! Besides, I think that the online form shortens the distance and makes it easier for people to open up. When someone writes to me, I don't care who they are, they can even write from an anonymous account if they think that they will be less ashamed. Besides, shame? Come on, I've heard everything (laughter).

YK: What is Kasia Koczułap ashamed of then?

KK: I am ashamed of my ignorance and lack of knowledge on many topics. That above all. It simply works that way, the more you know, the more you read, the more you realize how many things you still don't know. No things related to sex or physicality can embarrass me anymore.