Daughter, son – let’s talk about menstruation!

Menstruation. Do we talk about it out loud or rather not at all? The way the topic of menstruation is present in our lives determines how our children perceive menstruation and their readiness to face menstruation.

First, it is worth considering what menstruation means to us and whether we want to “instill” this perception in our children. If we do not hide our own menstruation by sneaking into the bathroom with hygiene products, our children will grow up feeling that they can ask about anything, and no topic related to human physiology is taboo.

Understanding the symptoms and the meaning of puberty is key. So if you feel that you have any gaps in knowledge, visit us - on the You KNOW website you will find answers to all your questions, as well as illustrations and tips that will help you spot worrying symptoms related to menstruation and more. Once you have a full package of information, share it with your child, because they absolutely have the right to do so. They have the right to know what is happening to their body, what causes it and what it involves.

Absolute basics

The sight of blood alone can be terrifying, without good preparation, menstruation can arouse fear and anxiety (you can read more about blood in our other article ). The most important thing is to convince your child that menstruation is not an illness and should not limit us in our daily activities (unless we are blocked by pain or other ailments). In reality, the changes that occur in the body, which culminate in the first period, are a sign of health. However, if anything raises doubts or surprises (e.g. the age at which the first period appeared), there is no point in demonizing the subject, just explain the process of maturation to the child and, if necessary, seek the opinion of a gynecologist. The fact is that it is impossible to predict when, what and how - every body lives at its own rhythm and pace, which is also worth making the child aware of, so that they do not feel "different" or "worse" compared to their peers.

Yes, growing up is a big change, but that's what we adults are for. To guide us through the difficult moments, and even show us that they're not as difficult as they might seem at first glance.

Secondly: DYS-CRE-TION. It is your child who decides whether they want to tell anyone about their first period. If they have contacted you, you are lucky. Do not treat this as permission to spread the news to everyone. Respect your daughter or son's privacy and boundaries. The most you can do is assure them that they can count on the help of every person in the family and that absolutely nothing will change in your relationship.

Tongue

It is best if it is not "scientific gibberish". Simple, clear messages will work great. The starting point may be to establish a nomenclature. Sometimes children (and even some adults) resort to terms considered vulgar because they do not know their correct equivalents. Unfortunately, it also works the other way around. Using infantile terms for body parts (e.g. pussy, p*ssy, fujarka, siurek ) may result in considering biologically correct ones as vulgar and inappropriate. Calling things by their names (i.e. simply: vagina, vagina, penis, vulva ) will facilitate communication with a doctor, for example, in the long run. And if that does not convince you, then maybe the argument that we have one body and we must respect it will convince you. So why downplay the role of such important organs as the aforementioned ones!

How to be understood?

It would be good if all the knowledge you share was supported by examples. When you talk about hygiene products ( pads ,tampons , pads ), show the ones you have at home. Check their absorbency, compare sizes. If you have a menstrual cup , show it, describe how to use it, check how much liquid it can hold. Tell about your menstrual adventures or situations in which menstruation played a role - maybe it started at a significant moment, or maybe it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship? It is easy to feel safe in a conversation with someone who has been through the same thing or has observed menstruation in loved ones and lets you know that they understand your situation.

How to start a discussion?

Start with an open question. Find out what your child currently knows about menstruation - it may turn out that they have already acquired most of the information from "their own sources" that only need to be sorted out or slightly corrected. So dispel doubts, deal with myths. Once the theory is discussed, you can ask about the first visit to the gynecologist . If your child expresses a desire, it means they are ready!

Conversations, conversations

Not one, but enough to exhaust the topic. Show that you are open to discussion, that you can talk at any time and about anything. Give your child the feeling that they can return to the conversation when doubts or new questions arise. And of course: there are no stupid questions.

It is important to show your child interest and show that they are indeed a priority on our list of activities. Choose a comfortable place, limit distractions (TV, phones), even if the child's question is thrown "in passing", give a concise answer and suggest returning to the topic at a better time.

Remember that your child mainly wants to accept the information that they ask for. So don't overwhelm them with too many new things, but also make sure that the answers are comprehensive. The level of detail in your answers should be adjusted to the child's age and maturity. Make sure that there are areas that you should expand on, and that the explanation given so far was sufficient. You can suggest additional sources, such as a book that breaks down puberty for menstruating people. It's also a good idea to recommend educational social media profiles that are worth following and support groups that are worth joining ( #mensTRUEacja by Your KAYA , we recommend ourselves!). Talking about menstruation is a matter of listening! The stories of others can reduce anxiety and possible shame associated with menstruation.

Ask what your child needs and follow their lead. Don't push, listen, let difficult emotions resonate. Be a guide who not only knows the essence of the "problem" but also suggests useful solutions. These can be ways to relieve pain or get rid of blood stains, ideas for improving your mood when your period goes downhill (with the emphasis that this may or may not be the case!). Suggest ideas for period rituals (preparing a special meal together, watching movies under a blanket, or maybe shopping together - you can also do this while lying in bed!). But most importantly, prepare a period kit together. Let it be a life jacket in case of drowning.

A few words about responsibility

Being a parent or guardian involves a constant sense of responsibility for a child. It is not about their survival at all, but about them being a good person, a member of society, and one day a conscious adult, partner, mother/father. It is up to you whether they will boldly enter the next stages of development. Whether they will take on challenges, regardless of their gender. Whether they will withdraw, filled with fear and shame, when they get their first period, or whether they will celebrate (with others or alone) both their first and every subsequent period, the surest sign of health.

Yes, it all depends on the parent. It is worth getting ahead of the messages coming from the media and throwing other, more valuable patterns at the young mind. You can show that body positivity is much more attractive than any filters.

The preparation of siblings also plays a big role here. Just as a sister can ensure a natural transition from childhood to adulthood, a brother can be a participant in events, which – if he doesn’t find it personally useful – will certainly translate into being a better support, a partner for menstruating people in his environment. After all, we want non-menstruating people to be a support, not another voice saying “go bleed somewhere else”, “you have your period, so you throw up” or “your period is disgusting”.

The responsibility of every mother, every father, every caregiver is to be close to children . To talk to both daughter and son, to answer all questions, until the topic of menstruation and puberty is exhausted and everyday.

If a son or daughter asks why mom is in a worse mood today - don't lie, just use the opportunity for home education. It's important for a child to grow up with the feeling that menstruation is an important, but completely normal time of the month. A time when mom focuses on herself, doesn't overload herself with work, and other household members take on some of the responsibilities and are simply understanding.

Hayman, S., Raising a Teenager, or How to Be a Wise and Loving Parent . Warsaw: Edgard 2010.
Zatoni, M., How to wisely raise a teenager. Practical advice for parents and educators . Kraków: Bratni Zew 2010.
Kobyłecka W., Jaczewski A., About girls for girls . Warsaw: Medical Publishing House PZWL 2010.