How to get used to your period?

In our culture, menstruation is the She Whose Name Must Not Be Pronounced – perhaps the word starting with “m” has a chance of appearing in a biology lesson at school, but outside of it, we most often use coded substitute names. So there is “aunt” and other phrases that are intended to emphasize our unfriendly attitude towards it; there is the sad and distancing “female condition”; we can also come across more descriptive terms, such as the flowery “my cherry is in sherry today” or the “strawberry season” used by the heroines of Marta Dzido’s prose. There is no doubt, however, that for many people the words “period” or “menstruation” seem downright vulgar in some contexts, even though it is a completely ordinary bodily function. As it turns out, discreetly whispering about “aunt” has far-reaching consequences that it would be good to avoid.

The Great Absent

Let's start with how menstruation is talked about - if it is talked about at all. The heroines of the commercials do not have periods, only "those days", and the pads they promote have blue gel instead of blood (which is probably why they are so keen to wear snow-white trousers on such occasions). Heroines in films and series almost never menstruate, unless it has (usually dubious) comedic value or symbolic meaning. Game characters do not menstruate - this is true even in The Sims, which simulates almost all bodily functions except for this one. In the commercials for painkillers, there are also "menstrual pains", usually presented as a knot or a ring around the abdomen, which drops as if by magic thanks to antispasmodics.

Menstruation is therefore reduced to troublesome bleeding and pain that impedes functioning, which must be dealt with quickly and behaved as if nothing was happening. This approach to the subject means that we are brought up with a subconscious belief that "it is not something to talk about" and that discretion and efficient resolution of the "problem" are required of us. The home environment often reinforces this - conversations about the monthly cycle, so necessary for growing children, are limited to a few general sentences or do not take place at all. Mothers do not really know how to react to information about the child's first period - there are stiff congratulations, sparse information of a practical nature, such as "the pads are in the cupboard under the sink", and in some cases even traditional slapping, remembered years later as an event with a significant negative impact on the psyche. Buying hygiene products is associated with a feeling of embarrassment, which does not end in the drugstore or supermarket - sanitary pads or tampons in blue flower-patterned packages are later stuffed in bathroom cabinets so as not to catch the eye of other household members.

I am reporting indisposition!

Parents who don’t know how to talk to their children often hope that school will do it for them. The topic of menstruation does indeed come up in school lessons, but it is usually brushed aside in generalities when discussing the reproductive system of the species homo sapiens . We learn that the first bleeding is a sign of reaching sexual maturity and that it appears at monthly intervals later – and that’s more or less it. Sometimes, additional classes are organized for girls, where the aim is to bring this issue closer in more depth. This is a commendable initiative, but it is worrying that boys are completely excluded from such classes. Even if we assume that the motivation in this case is to create a space where girls can ask questions and share experiences without embarrassment, it still contributes to the perception of menstruation as something both mysterious and shameful.

It's not just thematic classes that shape attitudes towards periods - many of us remember PE lessons with teachers who, for example, undermined our credibility when "indisposition" occurred too often for their taste. I myself have rather unkind memories of a PE teacher who told me in the second grade of middle school, "If I were you, I'd be ashamed to admit that I have a period," before kindly exempting me from 45 minutes of constant running around the clearing. Despite this, we are in a privileged position in our Polish school - due to difficulties with access to sanitary products, among other things, our peers in India completely give up on further education.

It doesn't hurt you that much...

Although a doctor's office should be a place where we go for professional help and reliable information, unfortunately this is not always the case. Many of us have probably heard advice and warnings not to choose older doctors or gynecologists - women working in this profession in particular are considered insensitive and insensitive to the problems of patients, as if according to the twisted logic (probably shared by the aforementioned PE ladies) "I'm a woman too, so I know everything about your experiences too". Such stereotypes function both ways - from patients to doctors, and vice versa. In conversations, there are stories about doctors who maintain that menstruation has to hurt and there is no reason to "pity" about it. Some doctors repeat myths about alleviating discomfort after childbirth and make comments and jokes that should absolutely not happen. The age and gender of a doctor are of course no indication of how he treats his patients, but it may happen that we come across someone we do not like, and unpleasant experiences in a gynecological office will result in avoiding subsequent visits.

Awkward silence

Why is there such a large taboo and so much misinformation surrounding this natural process in the body? At this point, we could consider the various historical and cultural contexts that may contribute to this ("traditional" views related to the "uncleanliness" and "animalism" of menstruating women, the need to hide one's menstrual cycles so as not to show what is seen as weakness in the patriarchal way of seeing things, and many others), but it seems more important to draw attention to how the situation of silence deepens the problems mentioned above. Some of them are everyday nuisances - the lack of a waste bin in the school toilet and the door to the cubicle not closing can make life difficult (putting a friend on guard at the door and taking out used pads hidden up the sleeve are not isolated experiences). However, the consequences of the conspiracy of silence around menstruation also have much more far-reaching effects. If we don't talk to anyone about it, we have no comparison to what other people's cycles may look like, and therefore, what may be a cause for concern. Because of the belief that periods “must hurt,” many people do not seek medical attention when they need to. If doctors also hold such beliefs, we face serious problems – diseases such as endometriosis or PMDD are often confused with other conditions, and incorrect diagnoses can lead to unnecessary, invasive procedures, including spinal surgery or the introduction of medical menopause.

Girls' disease

It may seem that a more open approach to periods is necessary, and for many of us it is obvious that the time has come for conversations about periods to stop surprising, shocking and disgusting anyone. However, when the famous issue of Wysokie Obcasy appears with glittery blood on the cover, the voices of indignation do not die down for weeks. At a similar time, Instagram removes a photo of poet Rupi Kaur in which she is wearing bloody pants - it allegedly violates its "community guidelines". These guidelines prohibit the posting of nudity, illegal activities and content promoting self-harm - which of these categories menstruation falls into is unfortunately unknown. Another media event with menstruation in the main role was the London Marathon in 2015, which American Kiran Gandhi ran with blood running down her legs. Each of these situations aroused similar indignation and a wave of comments with repeated slogans such as "disgusting", "idiocy" and the like. Is shocking the conservative part of society a good way to bring about change?

Well, since educational programs have such little impact, it's worth trying other media. And there's something to teach. Every now and then, stories about proud inventors of discreet gloves for changing tampons appear on social media, and from the Oscar-winning documentary Period Revolution we learn that some people believe that periods are "a disease that mainly affects girls." There are stories about bosses who comparetampons to sex toys, and about teenage boys who oppose free sanitary products because it's a girl's problem that they can't control... their bladders. These examples may be quite extreme, but they show how deep deficiencies in education can go and what surprising products of imagination they can become the basis for. If we don't start to clearly emphasize these issues, we make it harder even for ourselves to communicate daily - it's not good if your partner doesn't understand what the monthly cycle is and has false ideas about it.

So how do you tame your period?

Becoming accustomed to menstruation has many levels and stages. Mothers of adolescent girls face different tasks in this regard, adult women who have previously perceived menstruation as a burdensome “affliction” face different tasks, and entire societies face different tasks still. It takes months, years, and decades to see real change – but such change begins with the consistent efforts of many people. Here are examples of actions we can take to contribute to this:

• Let's familiarize girls with their own bodies from a young age. There is no need to hide pads from your daughter or younger sister, and it is good to provide calm, age-appropriate answers to questions that arise. Avoiding the topic will put an unnecessary burden on this area, while treating it naturally will help avoid an awkward one-off conversation - most of the information you need will already be obvious.
• Let's not isolate boys from knowledge - let's make sure they have the right tools to understand processes they do not experience directly.
• Let's not avoid talking about periods with friends - of course, within a comfortable range for us and our interlocutors. Nothing by force!
• In a doctor's office, it is worth asking any questions that are troubling us. Let's check what tests we are entitled to and let's not be confused by comments about the difficult fate of women. Let's change doctors if necessary.
• On social media, look for supportive communities and accounts that provide reliable information – such as Pani Miesiączka or our Facebook group .
• Remember that our cycle consists of several interconnected phases, not just menstruation itself – contact with our own body is much easier when menstruation is perceived as an element of the whole process. It is worth creating a file or notebook in which we will note down observations about our well-being on subsequent days of the cycle. After a few months, we will have a rich database of information, based on which it will be possible to track certain regularities and better understand signals from the body.

Menstruation is not a disease or an “ailment.” It is a part of a naturally occurring biological cycle and should be treated as such. Although much has changed for the better in recent decades, the road to normalization of this topic is still quite long. Fortunately, we are traveling this road in an increasingly large group.

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