Mom, Dad - THIS IS IT. How to say about the first period?

One piece of information. Three words: "I got my first period." Or two words: "I got my period." Theoretically, it's simple. Practically, it can be different. It can be difficult.

* Anatomically, only people with a uterus can menstruate, but because genitalia do not always match gender identity, we also use masculine forms.

Top 3 ideas for starting a conversation with your parents

To tell your mom or dad about your first period, you can, for example, wait until an occasion when they sing “Happy Birthday” and instead of the last “Nieeech żyyjeee naaaam,” sing the loudest of all: “Oooookresss już maaaaam.” Or this: you can buy a drum lesson, take your mom or dad there, then do the classic drum roll, hit the cymbals and shout: “I_got_my_period!” Or you can buy a billboard somewhere your parents can see and put a sign saying: “Mom, dad, I got my period. So I can practically get pregnant. So you can theoretically become grandparents.” Huh?

If these ideas aren’t quite your style and you still don’t know how to tell your parents you’re on your period, well, I don’t know if I can help. Because to be completely honest, I have no idea. Luckily, I have pretty good intuition and my own heart – the most reliable source that rarely deceives me. What I can offer is a so-called “feeling” and a very personal trip to the year 2031, when one of my daughters might be informing me that she’s just become a woman (although I don’t like that phrase).

Why is it so difficult?

Do you remember how you decided to tell your mom or dad that your first baby tooth had fallen out? If you do, first of all – I envy your memory. And secondly – ​​did you prepare for this conversation? Did you feel embarrassed? Did you circle your parents before you brought up the subject, or did you spontaneously share your discovery?

Exactly. But both the first period and the loss of baby teeth are pure biology. The natural order of things. Your mom (and dad) also lost their baby teeth. In the same way, your mom (and maybe dad) also got her first period at some point. Great-grandmothers, grandmothers, mothers, their daughters got it. Most of the girls or people you know with uteruses got it (or will get it). It's the circle of life (well, don't exaggerate with that lofty tone). It's so unimportant that you either forget about it or remember it as a collection of anecdotes about home methods of tooth extraction.

It may be hard because it is important news – GOOD and NORMAL for a healthy person with a uterus. There is nothing scary about telling your mom or dad that everything is absolutely fine. That you have your period.

A period is simply bleeding from your vagina. Normal blood that stains normal panties. It will stain almost your whole life. The sooner you get over it and accept it as normal, the easier it will be for you.

Read our guides: how to put on a pad? and how to put on a tampon? .

Don't be alone with this

As your fictional older sister, I can give you some advice: don't make my mistake. I didn't think through how to tell my mom about my period at all. When I got my first period (which was very late compared to my friends, I was 16), I ran up the stairs to my room and said to my mom, "I got my period!" It was December 6th, so my mom happily replied, "What a nice gift for St. Nicholas Day." Sitting alone in my room, I was shaking with excitement, relief, and maybe a little fear. To this day, I wonder why I didn't go to my mom to share those emotions with her. If I could tell her again that I had it, I would do it differently.

How would I like to be informed as a mother?

1. In a calm atmosphere – not during some urgent task, like wiping up spilled juice or defusing a bomb (oh, that motherly routine). Not when we’re rushing somewhere, like going to school. It’s best to do it at some calm moment of the day, like cleaning up after dinner together or chilling out in the evening.
2. I would just like to find out. No beating around the bush or "stealing the beans". Otherwise I will probably wonder what is going on, worry and in the worst case I might not pick up on subtle signals. If you put the pads in the bathroom, mom will probably figure it out herself - but she might also assume that she left them there (if she is on her period, for example).
3. I want you to know that shame is natural in such a situation (especially for people your age). But it shouldn't dominate other emotions at all - after all, these are only good news. Besides, we've had so many conversations already that this one is simply a practical lesson from your nature. There's nothing to be ashamed of here.
4. I want you to know that I am. I am grateful that you share this with me. I am moved that the most beautiful time of your life is ahead of you. I am simply.
   
   

What do I expect from myself as a parent?

1. Look into the eyes, be in touch and be emotional.
2. Observe and reflect: if you see sadness, hug; if excitement – ​​jump for joy; if tears – hug and let them cry; if you know the child has been waiting for this for a long time – turn on some music and dance!
3. Decide together if and how you want to celebrate. A bouquet of red flowers anda first period kit will be okay, or will cooking your favorite food suffice?
4. Assure them that you are ready to accompany your child through this exciting but also difficult moment. Offer to accompany them to their first visit to the gynecologist – at their own time, when your (not) child is ready for it. Or help them choose the best and safe hygiene products. Besides, hey! After all, a certain supermom (me) has already written a book for everyone who is concerned about the first period . So, by reading it together, you can say: "Welcome to the club."
5. Remind why this is good news. Tell her that her period means everything is as it should be. It's a sign of health.
6. Don't panic ("Oh my, already? We only have 5 packs of pads, 3 packs of tampons, and a panty liner at home, and the next subscription order will arrive in 8 days. I'm calling my dad, have him go to the pharmacy and ask Mrs. Wiesia for the best pads andtampons they can offer for my first period - that'll be our plan B!").
7. Don't whine. Just because your child is growing up doesn't mean your life is over. The most beautiful time is ahead of them - do everything you can to participate in it.
8. Don't call grandmas, aunts, or friends. If your child decides they want to share, they'll do it on their own. For now, be glad you've been in the loop.

You are not alone

I hope your parent will rise to the occasion – that when you decide to tell your mom or dad about your first period, you will be noticed, listened to, surrounded by love and support. However, I know that the world is not perfect. And I know just as well that parents are not perfect. In such a case, remember that you are not alone. There are communities full of love and understanding. Join the #mensTRUEacja by Your KAYA group and see for yourself that – even from a distance – we hug more effectively than many arms. You can also feel free to ask questions there. Take care ❤️