How does body image affect sexual enjoyment?

What shapes our sexuality?

The Universal Declaration of Sexual Rights recommended by WHO states that sexuality is an inseparable element of every person's personality . The process of shaping this set of features and at the same time the functions of the human organism depends on a compilation of biological, psychological and socio-cultural factors. It is also determined by personal life experiences, the degree of personality development and the internal richness of the emotional landscape. The resultant of all factors translates into the type of sexual expression and the sexual needs of every person.

Sex does not always take the form of sexual intercourse, but it always involves at least one body. Regardless of whether we have sex in a stable relationship, in a one-night stand , in marriage, with a lover, in a group, or solo – our body is constantly with us. Does the way we perceive it have an impact on our sexual satisfaction? Undoubtedly. Studies show (Frederick, Sandhu, Morse, Swami 2016) that although dissatisfaction with one's appearance is a very common phenomenon and is observed in most people, this problem affects women more often than men. Perceiving one's own body in a negative way can lead to lower sexual satisfaction and self-esteem, to complicating relationships with loved ones, and even to the occurrence of depression.

The Good and Bad Side of Self-Awareness

We are hyper-conscious. We constantly focus on our bodies, we think about how we look at any given moment, we try to fix “imperfections”, we compare ourselves to others, and what’s more, we often think we know exactly what people think of us when they look at us – especially when they look at us up close.

During sex, instead of focusing on pleasure – our own and our partner’s – we exaggerate in our heads every fold of our body, mentally curse the last dessert we ate, think about our protruding ribs, too small breasts, too large breasts, cellulite on our thighs and make plans for regular visits to the gym in the company of elastic bands that could stretch our body.

Thinking negatively about our bodies during sex often makes us feel stressed and produces a throng of unpleasant thoughts, which in turn – instead of confetti-like orgasms and pleasure-clouded glances – leads to… well, a significant weakening of arousal. Attempts to spend time with your partner, a chance for orgasm(s) and strengthening the bond end in failure, and the aversion to your body only intensifies. And hey! We love each other for many beautiful reasons, but among them there is definitely no room for causing a wave of dissatisfaction, groans and sadness in ourselves and our partner.

Sex and tears. You can read about whether this is normal here: "Sex and tears. Is everything ok?"

How to stop this spiral?

Take care of your relationship with your body. We all know how difficult and time-consuming it is, but the game is definitely worth the candle. Try to accept the result of the genetic lottery that you have been gifted with. I can't get rid of the triviality here, that beauty lies in diversity . You don't have to be an outstanding observer of reality to know that we have different butts, different breasts, different faces, different shapes of labia, different colors of eyes and skin, different penis sizes and different degrees of fitness of our bodies. And that's great. Everyone deserves to feel pleasure from sex to which they have given consent, and if there is consensual intercourse, it means that your partner likes your body (and probably many other things). It seems so obvious, but we so often forget about it.

Becoming friends with your own body often takes years, so it's worth having an honest and open conversation with a sexual partner you trust when the time is right for you. Talk about how you like to be touched and how you don't, what makes you feel better during sex, or what makes you feel embarrassed during intimacy. If you want to agree with me that one of the primary reasons we have sex is the joy it brings - it's worth fighting for.

Also read our articles on masturbation: " Is Masturbation Healthy? ", " Female Masturbation " and " Masturbation During Your Period".

Who did this to us?

No matter how hard we try to defend ourselves against it, pop culture, social media and pornographic films influence (usually negative) perception of our own bodies. We have watched bodies that have been deemed “ideal” by an unwritten social contract and that often make us feel that there is a lot to improve. Commercial pornography in particular has assimilated into our consciousness the vision of at least 60-minute intercourse, in which mainly sleek, athletic, young, able-bodied representatives of the human species participate. And they are also cool! But in real life, our sex is rarely directed by stage image specialists and is not usually accompanied by the smoothing light of softboxes. Instead, we have closeness, intimacy and naturalness. We have our own body, we can work on it and try to change it if we feel the need. But we can’t count on others, so it is probably worth considering that it is wonderful to have it (you can also read about body positivity in the article “What does body positivity mean?” ).

Declaration of Human Sexual Rights , WHO, 2002, https://worldsexualhealth.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/DSR-Polish.pdf [accessed 12/04/2022].
D. Frederick, G. Sandhu, PJ Morse, V. Swami, Correlates of Appearance and Weight Satisfaction in a US National Sample: Personality, Attachment Style, Television Viewing, Self-Esteem, and Life Satisfaction , "Body Image" 2016, vol. 17, p. 191-203, https://digitalcommons.chapman.edu/psychology_articles/187/ [accessed on 12/04/2022].
P. Afshari, Z. Houshyar, N. Javadifar et al., The Relationship Between Body Image and Sexual Function in Middle-Aged Women , https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5217824/ [accessed on 12/04/2022].