Female orgasm – what do you need to know about it?

* Before we go any further, I would like to point out that we make every effort to write inclusive, non-exclusive language, but scientific research sometimes makes our work difficult. This article requires us to use the binary division of female/male due to the numerous references to anatomy and the structure of the genitals. However, I would like to emphasize that the data contained herein regarding female/male may equally apply to all people with the organs referred to in the individual fragments. Therefore, let us remember that regardless of what we have between our legs, sex and orgasm itself begin in the head – and we all have an equal, inalienable right to know our bodies, their needs and preferences.

Our bodies have the ability to cleanse, regenerate, reproduce, recognize pain, and experience pleasure. And the pleasure of sex has never been more important than it is today. The right to sexual satisfaction seems obvious today, but some countries are still trapped in patriarchy, which limits sex to reproduction.

We have long since dismissed the view of psychoanalytic guru Sigmund Freud that the only valid female orgasm is the “vaginal orgasm” (induced by stimulation of this organ) as a fairy tale. In the following text, we go a step further – it is time to “mind” the female orgasm, take it out of its niche and show it in all its glory and rich spectrum!

What does a female orgasm look like?

I asked a few women close to me what they felt during orgasm. “Warmth spreading through your entire body,” “a delightful lightheadedness,” “as if there was nothing further.” And what do scientists say about it?

Sexual response model

In 1966, as a result of research conducted by William Masters and Virginia Eshelman-Johnson (a duo of quite controversial American sexologists), a linear model of sexual response (EPOR) was created, assuming the following successive steps:

• excitement ( excitation) – breathing quickens, the tension in the muscles of the genitals increases, the nipples harden; it gets hot and humid!),

• plateau ( plateau – a time of increased blood pressure and severe congestion of the labia ; heartbeat and breathing gallop even faster!),
• orgasm ( orgasm is the moment of the strongest sexual arousal, which is also called climax; there are characteristic contractions of the vagina (and in fact of the pelvic floor muscles), which are felt as a characteristic "pulsation"),
• resolution – the phase of return of the genitals and nipples to their original, unexcited state) .

The model evolved and became less and less adequate, especially because of its single-track focus on somatic (physical) responses. After 10 years, the existence of the plateau phase was questioned, and interest in the psychological components of the response began, introducing, among others, the category of desire .

Going further, in 2001 Rosemary Basson proposed a new, refreshed model of women's sexual response, based on cyclicality rather than linearity. What does it look like and what does it involve?

• Basson emphasizes that it is not sexual desire that is the direct reason for engaging in sexual activity – among them he lists, among others: the need for tenderness, confirmation of one's attractiveness in the eyes of the partner, the desire to avoid possible consequences of refusing intimacy (anger, rage, reluctance), the desire to strengthen the partnership bond and to reduce the feeling of guilt due to too infrequent sexual contacts.
• The above-mentioned catalysts (or motivators) constitute a transition point between sexual neutrality and opening up to receiving sexual stimuli ; in the right context (place, atmosphere, sense of comfort and safety) a woman can open up to further stimuli: indirect stimuli (including porn or conversations with sexual innuendo) or direct stimuli (stimulation of erogenous zones).
• The consequence of processing this entire range of sensations is sexual arousal – it is accompanied by both physical (congestion of the genital organs, uterine contractions, etc.) and psychological “symptoms”.
• If arousal is not present at the initial stage of intimacy, it may appear later, as a result of further stimulation (this is called reactive desire ). The context of place, needs or preferences has a huge impact on the arousal of pleasure during intimacy and is a purely individual matter, not generalizable here.
• The consequence of the above-mentioned points is of course sexual satisfaction , during which one can achieve orgasm, but it is not a necessary condition, and even less so: a permanent point of the program. Basson points out that more important than experiencing it is achieving non-sexual gratification (which means we return to the first point: for example, strengthening the emotional relationship with the partner, experiencing moments of closeness and tenderness), which provides the greatest motivation to engage in further sexual contacts, during which the presented pattern (cycle) repeats itself.

The basis of this new approach is the fact that the sexual act begins in specific structures of the female central nervous system – these receive stimuli, give them a specific emotional charge and send them to the cerebral cortex, where they are hierarchized – some stimuli are reinforced, others are extinguished. We also encourage you to read the article on responsive desire .

How long does a female orgasm last?

The above-mentioned divisions are a collection of tendencies and the most typical reactions – remember that sexual experiences are an individual matter, as is the duration of orgasm. However, sexologist Kimberly Ann Johnson emphasizes that regardless of gender, we have the same amount of erectile tissue , i.e. the tissues that fill with blood and swell during intercourse.

There is no single, universal answer to how long an orgasm lasts. When looking for it, you may come across various studies that aim to derive an average, general length, given in seconds. However, I appeal to you not to let such questions occupy your minds. Focus on the satisfaction derived from intimate encounters with your partner or simply yourself!

Beliefs, media and reality

“Foreplay” and “Climax.” How Are Our Experiences Being Simplified?

Ann Johnson, whose words I quoted earlier, has an interesting response to the popular phrase “foreplay” in her book The Fourth Trimester of Pregnancy: How to Care for Yourself After Childbirth:

“I personally don’t like that phrase because it suggests it’s just a warm-up before the main event—usually penetration—occurs.”

Let this reflection by Ann Johnson remind us that there are many ways to have sex and many reasons to be satisfied with your sex life. In addition to climax, what counts during sex is something that usually doesn't have time for on the movie screen (and even less so in porn): looking into the eyes, building the mood and tension, looking for more comfortable positions - simply spontaneous experience !

Sex doesn’t have to mean penetration. Vaginal intercourse alone doesn’t often bring women to climax. An analysis of dozens of studies conducted over the past 80 years has shown that only 25% of women consistently experience orgasm during penetration, about 50% have it sometimes, 20% rarely, and about 5% never. So we can see that orgasms aren’t as simple and common as they might seem. They don’t have to be a necessity either – sex without them can be good too.

Orgasm is often treated as the main goal of physical intimacy - this type of approach is extremely limiting, considering the whole spectrum of possibilities of achieving satisfaction, which can mean something completely different for each of us!

We put pleasure on a par with safety – yours and the environment. We want each of you to be able to freely explore yourself, your body and preferences, without fear or anxiety. Your KAYA products (such as intimate gel or oil ) were created to take care of your skin, while you indulge in intimate ecstasies. In our offer you will find vegan formulas, free of artificial colors and fragrances. And all this in ecological, biodegradable packaging – because the planet also deserves (or even needs) love and tenderness :)

Orgasm gap

This is the phenomenon of disparity between heterosexual men and women in terms of the unequal frequency of orgasm during sex. What does this look like in percentage terms? A 2018 study found that among heterosexual marriages, 87% of husbands and 49% of wives consistently experience orgasm during sexual activity. Women who have sex with women are much more likely to report orgasm – a 2015 survey that shed particularly bright light on the sexual lives of lesbians showed that almost 75% of them regularly experience orgasm. Women in relationships with women usually know their sensitive spots and know that they are scattered throughout their bodies. Knowing this, and above all freely sharing it with your partner, is of great importance for understanding your needs and preferences.

Transgender women orgasm

There are many myths surrounding transgender sexuality, stemming from the ongoing prejudice, discrimination, and simply ignorance surrounding them. When talking about their experiences, transgender people often point to misconceptions about the transition itself, such as that it is impossible to achieve orgasm after the surgery because the erogenous zones simply cease to exist.

In the case of transgender women, during an orchidectomy, one of the gender reassignment surgeries, the testicles are removed, after which vaginoplasty can be performed. The course of these procedures obviously depends on individual, personal factors, but reconstruction of the genitals does not cause changes in erogenous sensitivity. In over 2/3 of people who have undergone vaginoplasty, vaginal fluid from the remaining bulbourethral glands is secreted during sexual arousal.

Porn and the orgasm gap

Cultural texts very often marginalize the female orgasm, which is particularly visible in pornography. When female climax does appear in it, it is often in a mannered, exaggerated way. And yet not every person screams loudly during orgasm – some experience a range of other, not always so “spectacular” reactions. Kimberly Ann Johnson writes: “This image of orgasm has influenced us as women and shaped us into believing that our pleasure should look and sound a certain way. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we strive for experiences that fit these images.”

Pornographic art could (although unfortunately rarely does) change women's sexual well-being by not pushing their pleasure into the background and showing intercourse and climax in a more accessible way. Fortunately, in the depths of the internet, you can find platforms that show more female pleasure and present sex in a more realistic and educational way. This is a step forward in closing the orgasm gap (or simply pleasure gap) . The same gesture should be a more open social dialogue about sex in general.

You may be reading this and wondering: "What is the author of this text really on about? First she writes that orgasm is not necessary at all, and now she discusses the orgasm gap ." Of course, one does not exclude the other. It's great if orgasms are part of sexual experiences, but they do not have to be a guarantee of successful sex. However, the female orgasm should be treated fairly and presented with respect for its diversity.

Possibilities of achieving female orgasm

Diversity = keyword.

It won't be groundbreaking to say that there is no universal method to orgasm. Orgasm can be the result of a specific, chosen stimulation, but it can also be the result of completely non-sexual activities. By the way, check out same_mi:

• Orgasm during vaginal stimulation – possible thanks to internal vaginal stimulation . And if simultaneous clitoral stimulation is involved, we are dealing with orgasm during clitoral stimulation. I am writing, but all this is to firstly avoid the stereotype of female orgasm being possible or (less likely) guaranteed thanks to penetration, and secondly to abandon mental shortcuts such as vaginal orgasm, clitoral orgasm and similar. Now we can move on :)
• Orgasm during clitoral stimulation – achieved through masturbation, caressing or oral sex. Clitoral stimulation is the easiest way for most people to have an orgasm or to improve it. For more of its secrets, check out this dedicated article :)

• Orgasm during cervical stimulation can be as profound an experience as the place you need to reach – the cervix, which is the narrow, lower part of the uterus .
• Orgasm during stimulation of the anal area .
• Orgasm during breast stimulation and full nipple nerve endings - climax is not recorded only in the genitals :)
• Multiple orgasms – some people are able to experience one orgasm after another in a relatively short period of time. What more can I say, it's a wonderful thing :)
• Local orgasm – occurring as a result of stimulation of one area of ​​the body.
• Mixed orgasm – requires stimulation of more than one erogenous zone of the body. Two pleasures are better than one, you know! Caressing the nipples at the same time as caressing the clitoris or the anus area – cross them as you wish, according to your fantasies and needs.
• Squirting orgasm – many doctors still question the existence of female ejaculation (squirt), claiming that the fluids leaking from the urethra during sex are exclusively urine. One opponent of this position is Sheri Winston, who stands guard over female orgasms, who in her publication proves that female ejaculation exists, and what’s more, makes climaxing even more spectacular :) She explains that the urethral sponge is the same tissue as in the prostate, and that “female” ejaculate itself resembles prostate fluid, although it has a slightly more watery consistency. Winston highly recommends that you… learn how to ejaculate! Few women are, as she calls them, “natural ejaculators”, but every one of them has the potential to squirt. What practices can help with this? For example, tightening the abdominal and pelvic floor muscles at the moment of approaching orgasm. Want to know more? Check out Winston's book , it's pure squirting gold (psst, chapter 11).
• Imaginal orgasm – here, however, thoughts and fantasies are key, because climax occurs exclusively through mental arousal.
  Orgasm doesn’t always have to be a deliberate pursuit of pleasure. Sometimes climaxing occurs unconsciously, is physiologically related, not sexually related, and sometimes – it’s just annoying!
• Coregasm – a cleverly invented word meaning an orgasm during sports training. How is that possible? The trembling, contracting muscles of the abdomen and pelvic floor create a kind of internal stimulation. The ability to coregasm depends on anatomy, emotional state or muscle strength during training. Interestingly, this type of climax occurs independently of erotic thoughts and fantasies – it is by nature asexual.
• Orgasm during labor —orgasmic birth? Not a bad start. During labor, the baby moves around the parts of the birthing woman’s body that are associated with sexual pleasure—opening the cervix, moving into the vagina, and potentially touching an erogenous zone on the front wall of the vagina. Although it’s not a common occurrence, doula and childbirth coach Debra Pascali-Bonaro says greater awareness of orgasm during labor would reduce the need for medical interventions to manage labor pain.
• Orgasm during sleep – night rest (when blood flow is increased and relaxation is deeper) is conducive to orgasms. It is often accompanied by exciting dreams, which you may recall in the morning. It is also possible that you will not notice at all and remain in sweet unconsciousness... ;)

How to reach orgasm?

Have you never had an orgasm? Or maybe you'd like to experience it more often? Start with masturbation. As Sheri Winston says, "The better we play our own instrument, the better we play in a duet [or in another configuration - ed. note] with a partner." Touch yourself and find out what gives you pleasure. Knowing your own body is the foundation of every good relationship - with yourself, but also with another person. If you want to celebrate pleasure in a duet, talk to your partner about what you like. Sometimes things happen on their own, and sometimes you have to work on something - and that's okay too! Communication is key, and practice makes perfect.

You can read more about the techniques and benefits of masturbation in our article: female masturbation .

The path to feeling arousal and experiencing orgasm can be prolonged or even completely blocked by hormonal contraception (which we wrote about here ) or the use of some antidepressants. If you are looking for a way to increase your libido or feel that climax is still unattainable or painful for you, go to the right doctor, for example a sexologist. The specialist will answer your questions and propose appropriate help.

Orgasm and health

During orgasm, hormones are released that have a positive effect on our body: they reduce inflammation, stress, menstrual pain ; they reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease; they support the immune system. In addition, orgasms have a positive effect on blood circulation, making our skin healthier and full of glow!

Also read our article on period sex .

Orgasm is a complex psychological and biological experience that each person can feel differently, that each of us can learn and enjoy. Without pressure or shame, solo or with the right person :)