Female masturbation

Note: when we write about "female masturbation" or "female" solo sex, we mean people with a vulva, whose physiology determines different ways of achieving satisfaction during self-stimulation than people with a penis. This is therefore a mental shortcut, because the genitals do not determine gender identity - but we use it to make it possible for everyone to access the article, regardless of their state of knowledge.

Masturbation is a natural way to relieve sexual tension , regardless of gender.

It is a form of sexual activity that involves stimulating one's own genitals through touch or the use of various objects - and I am not talking only about erotic accessories. You can get pleasure from a stream of water, the corner of a pillow, a tickling feather. In other words: masturbation is simply making love to yourself .

As with partnered sex, masturbation doesn't have to end in orgasm. Rather than a goal, it's much better to treat it as a pleasant side effect.

Thanks to Małgosia Iwanek, a sexologist and psychologist, you now know that masturbation is healthy for both your body and soul (and if you don't know yet, you can quickly catch up – here ).

Sexual self-satisfaction is not a reason for shame or remorse, although patriarchy has for years – unfortunately often quite effectively, it must be admitted – created really bad PR for this activity. If the word “masturbation” itself offends you, you have many beautiful synonyms at your disposal: “solo love”, “solosex”, “solosexuality”, “autostimulation”, “auto-caresses”, “autoeroticism” . Just not “ self-abuse”!

The most popular myth about self-stimulation in people with vulvas is probably the one about later difficulties in achieving orgasm with another person . Probably each of us was scared of it, especially during puberty.

It turns out, however – what a surprise! – that it is… exactly the opposite . Sololove is not only a very pleasant activity , but also a useful one.

By stimulating erogenous zones, we gain the opportunity to observe the reactions of our body and thus better understand its needs. In this way, we learn what form of touch is most pleasant for us and what causes sexual arousal, and also teaches us how to experience an orgasm (or orgasms!) .

This invaluable knowledge, which you can acquire during individual practical lessons, also proves to be extremely helpful when it comes to sexual contact with another person. Because how can you show what you actually like if you don't know it yourself yet?

There are other, less obvious benefits of autoeroticism.

Regular masturbation:

• has a positive effect on the pelvic floor muscles,
• lowers the level of stress hormone,
• reduces menstrual and migraine pain,
• makes it easier to fall asleep,
• improves vaginal hydration.

This last advantage may be of particular importance to those who suffer from dryness of intimate areas .

Safety first

Another undeniable advantage of solo sex is the lack of risk of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and… heartbreak. When it comes to safety during masturbation, there are really three important things to remember:

• The first one is about maintaining basic hygiene. A genital infection is not pleasant .

Don't forget to wash your hands before and after masturbation, and if you use erotic gadgets - after play, wash them with water and disinfectant soap or intimate hygiene fluid or use a special disinfectant . Also take care of the cleanliness of other items that you use to achieve sexual satisfaction.

• The second thing is to choose these items wisely . If you use things that were originally created for a completely different purpose, you must be extremely careful not to cause bodily harm.

Whatever you reach for, absolutely cannot be sharp, prone to cracking or made of harmful materials, that's obvious. When eliminating, apply a simple rule: if you have any doubts about a given item, just in case, consider it inappropriate. As for erotic accessories - they must be made of a body-safe material (for example, medical silicone) and purchased only from a reliable source .

• The final issue is diversifying the types of stimulation . Getting used to only one type of stimulation may (but does not have to) make it harder to derive sexual pleasure from other forms of sex – whether solo or in company.

Female Masturbation in a Relationship

When entering a relationship, most of us decide on a monogamous model, in which we agree to sexual exclusivity. During the joint arrangements, it is worth asking whether this also includes the autoerotic sphere.

I would describe my relationship as relatively hermetic, but that doesn't mean my partner and I aren't two sexually autonomous beings. We have a life together - that's not really mutually exclusive. However, just because it works for us doesn't mean it has to work for you .

It's worth having an honest conversation about this topic and establishing rules that suit both parties. During the conversation, you can consider the following issues:

• Solo sex is simply a different type of sexual expression than partner sex. One is not a replacement for the other. If you love pizza, that doesn't mean you'll never love pasta again.
• Your body belongs to you, and your partner's body belongs to your partner. Sexuality does not become a shared resource once you enter a relationship. Neither of you has the right to manage the other's body, but you can share your feelings and concerns.
• It's not like there's a set pool of orgasms for every person; that if you come alone, you won't come with your partner because you've "exhausted" yourself. Sure, your body may need some time to regenerate, but that's a matter of organization, not a counterargument to masturbation itself. According to research, regular autoeroticism increases, not decreases, sexual appetite.
• Besides, just as penetration isn’t the only right way to have sex, orgasm isn’t the only way to have a good time. There are so many ways to enjoy exploring sexuality together— why limit yourself?
• Let's not kid ourselves - it's rare for the sexual needs of two (or more) people to be 100% in sync. Sometimes one of you may need to relieve sexual tension when the other doesn't feel like having sex. Autosex allows you to satisfy your need without frustration and without treating your partner as an object. It's a conscious taking of responsibility for your own sexuality.
• During a masturbation session, we focus solely on our own pleasure . Our attention is not distracted by thoughts like, "Do I look good in this position?" or "Does he_her feel good?"
• Self-stimulation can provide an opportunity to realize fantasies that, for various reasons, cannot be realized with another person.
• As mentioned above, masturbation allows you to expand your knowledge of your own body – the very interesting subject of what turns it on and what excites it. Thanks to this, we have the opportunity to develop our sexual skills and become more confident in sexual contact with a partner, who will also benefit from it.
• Solosex is particularly useful in long-distance relationships, during illness, when the partner is in advanced/high-risk pregnancy, as well as in the early parenthood stage.
• If masturbation is the dominant form of sexual expression in a relationship and at least one party feels uneasy about it, it is important to jointly consider the causes of this situation. Consultation with a sexologist or couples therapist may be helpful .

It is worth being aware that masturbation techniques can also be successfully used in partner sex – which is possible, for example, through simultaneous masturbation and mutual masturbation .

Simultaneous masturbation is self-indulgence in the company of a partner who is doing the same. It is probably the safest form of sexual intercourse experienced together. You can look each other straight in the eye or, on the contrary, sit in the dark and turn each other on only with increasing moans of pleasure. You can play a game called Mirror, during which one imitates the other's movements. You can treat this activity as an introduction to penetrative sex or, on the contrary, start together and finish separately (but still close to each other). Really, the sky is the limit .

The concept of mutual masturbation, on the other hand, means using solo love techniques to sexually satisfy another person . Here, too, we have at our disposal both body parts and accessories – so to speak – external.

Both activities can significantly spice up sexual intercourse (at this point I am mainly winking at people in longer relationships).

Masturbation of pregnant women

If a pregnant person is in good health and the pregnancy is progressing normally, there are no contraindications to having sex , including solo. Neither such sexual activity nor orgasm should have a negative impact on the health of the fetus, quite the opposite .

Self-care will cause the body to produce more endorphins (i.e. the pregnant person will feel happier) and can also help minimize pregnancy discomforts. In turn, the lack of opportunities to relieve sexual tension can result in frustration and increased stress levels, which is highly inadvisable for obvious reasons.

Contrary to popular belief , in a healthy pregnancy, uterine contractions caused by orgasm will not lead to premature labor . The fact is, however, that orgasm can be dangerous for a high-risk pregnancy. Therefore, for your own peace of mind, it is worth seeking medical advice before engaging in masturbatory activities. An honest conversation with a gynecologist will dispel any doubts – whether yours or your partner's.

If your_doctor_isn't against it, and you feel like having a solo, go for it ! During pregnancy, the uterus is more perfused with blood, which can only increase sensations and make it easier to achieve orgasm.

Be gentle and patient with yourself during solo sex :

• don't rush,
• take a comfortable position that will not put pressure on your abdomen or require too much physical effort,
• if you use a shower, make sure the water is at the right temperature (it cannot be hot or cold) and the stream is not too strong or directed at the stomach or lower abdomen,
• rather give up on erotic gadgets, and if you need additional lubrication – use your own saliva,
• After your solo love session, take some time to rest (a nap is highly recommended!).

A date with myself

Sometimes you feel desire and just want to release the sexual tension as quickly as possible. Then it's not time to build the mood, you just have to act.

Other times, however, you may feel like a much richer scenario, a long session that you have been planning for some time, maybe even put in your calendar. In such a situation, it would be worth preparing for such a meeting with yourself.

Treat it like a real date. Think about it: what do you usually do before the other person comes over? Do you take a shower, do a scrub, apply body lotion? Do you put on sexy lingerie? Do you put on make-up, do your hair differently than usual? Do you look at yourself in the mirror twice as long? Maybe light some aromatic candles? Turn on some atmospheric music? Do you prepare something delicious (and not complicated) to nibble on, so that it's ready when you get hungry?

Do the same. Make an effort for yourself. You deserve it.

Also read our article on responsive desire .

Masturbation Techniques for People with Vulvas

Let's get one thing straight: we don't differentiate between types of orgasm . There is no clitoral orgasm, and there is no vaginal orgasm. An orgasm achieved through penetration is no more legitimate than an orgasm through clitoral stimulation , oral sex, petting, or self-stimulation.

An orgasm is an orgasm.

The fact that each orgasm is as unique as a snowflake is another matter…

Due to the structure of the genitals, the masturbation methods of women (or more precisely, people with a vulva) are more diverse than those of people with a penis .

You can use your fingers , hands , hair , water jet , sex toys to stimulate . You can touch the labia or the entrance to the vagina . You can tease the clitoris and nipples – one of the two, at once or alternately. You can rhythmically squeeze the Kegel muscles or thighs . Your attention can focus not only on the genitals, but also on other, less obvious areas of the body.

Pro tip: the most sensitive areas are those where the skin is thinnest – the bends of the elbows and knees, and the armpits.

Make sure you’re warm and comfortable. Negative external stimuli – like the cold catching your feet or the shower faucet digging into your back – will make it harder to focus on pleasure, and that’s the last thing you want, right?

When having sex alone, just like when having sex with another person, if necessary, it is worth using additional lubrication and reaching for an intimate gel . If you do not have it at hand, you can use your saliva.

Remember that not all activities you undertake necessarily lead to orgasm. If a certain type of touch allows you to increase your awareness of your own body and its reactions, and at the same time gives you unearthly pleasure - it is no less valuable than the one that almost immediately causes your breathing to quicken, your vision to blur, and you lose touch with reality.

You can also tease yourself and postpone the moment of fulfillment. This involves bringing yourself to the edge of orgasm, stopping the self-stimulation and – after a short while – resuming the fun. Do this for as long as you want. When you finally decide to let go – be prepared for the sensation to be incredibly intensified.

This technique is called edging , and it ’s especially recommended for those who feel they climax too quickly and would like to have more control over their orgasm – but it’s really for anyone who has the time and inclination .

Another thing: it's good to know that – just like with partnered sex – there are no contraindications to solo sex during menstruation .

Jagoda Olczyk will tell you more about self-care during menstruation .

Masturbation is also definitely the right time to fantasize . When, if not now, to let your imagination run wild, stop censoring yourself all the time, and just let yourself… feel?

If, on the other hand, you are aroused by images, you can reach for photos or videos. Perhaps, like many other girls, you get more pleasure from watching porn of two women than from one with intercourse between people of different sexes. There is nothing strange about this (and it does not automatically mean that you are homosexual or bisexual) - it is simply easier for you to identify with the people presented and their sexual needs.

It’s no big secret that mainstream heterosexual erotic films are mostly aimed squarely at men, because they’re made from a stereotypically male perspective and for stereotypically male pleasure. Pornographic films featuring sex between women, on the other hand, will generally focus on what turns women on the most. You might be turned on by erotically charged photographs of women for similar reasons. Besides, gosh, the female body can be just fucking arousing, that’s the whole point!

In summary, when it comes to masturbation techniques, it all depends on individual tastes and preferences . Listen to yourself, your needs and desires. Give yourself pleasure. Set off on a solo journey through the erogenous zones on the map of your body, maybe you will like it somewhere enough to stay there longer.

Women don't masturbate either

“I don’t like masturbation, is there something wrong with me?” – I found this anonymous question while researching this article. I decided to answer it.

There's nothing wrong with you. Women's liberation isn't about forcing women into anything, it's just about giving them a free choice. As long as your aversion to solo sex isn't due to instilled prejudices (which are worth working through), but simply a lack of need or taste in this type of activity, there's no point in bothering with it.

We are different and have different preferences. Some of us do not enjoy oral sex, others do not like kissing, and you do not like autoeroticism. It is normal.

Post-coital self-care

When we finish having sex with someone, we usually want to make sure they feel good about themselves. We hug them, kiss them, say nice things to them, walk them home, or order Chinese noodles to share under a blanket while watching our favorite 90s movie that we’ve only seen about 100,000 times.

Why not show such tenderness to yourself?

Regardless of whether it concerns solo or with someone, during sex your body produces a huge dose of hormones . When their levels drop rapidly after the session ends, your mood can also deteriorate. In order for difficult emotions not to overwhelm you and, as a result, not to negatively affect the reception of the intercourse that you have just had (which in itself may have been quite satisfying), it is worth taking care of some kind of "closure".

The type of post-coital self-care depends on individual needs. Chances are you'll recover more quickly from a brief solo play, the main purpose of which was to get rid of sexual tension, than from an intense, (many) hour-long session, during which you allowed yourself to explore those less politically correct fantasies. It's not without reason that the French term for an orgasm in people with a vulva is le petit mort – the little death.

Listen to the needs of both your body and your mind. Follow your intuition. Sometimes self-care can be a blanket, Netflix, and something to eat to replenish your energy reserves. Other times, it's a good idea to extend your self-care session by a few extra minutes - just because you came doesn't mean you're done. Ways to gently transition from one world to another include: stroking your body, self-massage, exfoliating in the shower, or dry brushing your skin.

You have to admit that it's really amazing what pleasure your own body can bring you in a duet with your mind. You should thank yourself for that. ;)